Delaney Glass offered me a really interesting piece of subject matter on Facebook today:
http://mormonwomenbare.com/
And here were my comments:
Hmm. I feel interpretation of how virtue should be valued is up to the individual, so I'm not shocked or appalled by what these women are doing like I know some people would be.
I personally am not a huge fan of it, because I don't believe that the Church places women's ultimate value on virtue, which is why this project exists. I love that women's bodies are shown as "natural and diverse", and if the goal was just to decrease body shame in people everywhere - I'd totally agree. But the assertion that Mormon women have a special layer of expectations to meet - I just don't agree with it. In fact, I believe just the opposite. The reason I love my religion so much is because, the way I see it, everyone has infinite worth and is valued regardless of their choices - this is very obvious when you see how good Mormon men treat women - like princesses, daughters of God, which is what I believe we are. (Not to mention the whole "bodies are temples" thing - they're a beautiful gift given to us that we should embrace in every form, something this project suggests the Church does the opposite of.) God is an all-loving God, and our value doesn't depreciate based on our choices. This project, while well-meaning, suggests that Mormonism as a whole believes women are less valuable depending on their choices regarding sex, that "their bodies are not entirely their own", that modesty is a means of "shaming" and the like.
I wrote a blog post about this, actually. The whole "modesty exists because of the male gaze" thing. While culturally, there are a lot of people who DO do these things, I don't think it's the fault of the religion. I'm very quick to point out the difference between Mormon culture and theology, because I acknowledge that this IS a problem in a lot of circles. I personally practice modesty because it's more comfortable, because I like the mystery of keeping things under wraps and only certain people knowing what's there, and also just because it's a part of the religion I practice - meaning I do it for God, not because I want to keep boys from looking at me. I personally practice abstinence because I've learned the hard way that it protects me - and that it's what I want in the long run. This doesn't diminish my libido, and I feel no shame about being a sexual being, because that's how I was made. But I control that out of a greater desire - rather than repressing to conform to a norm or expectation.
Another thing that's important to look at is what "virtue" is. Virtue to me (and what I've picked up from being Mormon) is purity in entirety, not just sexual purity, and it's not a concrete thing that you can have or not have. Godliness, I guess you could say.
They're all beautiful though, and it breaks my heart to think that at some point they didn't know that. And that several left the Church that has brought me so much strength and happiness because people made them think they didn't own their own bodies. That's definitely one thing that pisses me off. How many people get so battered and mistreated by other people in a church that's supposed to dust them off and protect them. However, I can't really do anything to fix it besides be a force for good. All churches are made of imperfect people, and to expect them to run them perfectly is to have way too high an expectation ever to be met.
It's something that I really care about, for sure. If I could make everyone know just how wonderful and beautiful and worth more than anything they are, I would.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now let me elaborate some more on my personal experience with LDS culture and how I feel about me. Preface: this is extremely personal. Read with caution.
1. Growing up, I didn't feel like a princess of infinite worth. My Young Women's leaders consistently told me I should, my other church leaders tried to instill this in me, etc. - which is why I think it's bogus that people say LDS people in general put women down (e.g. first states to give women the vote were largely LDS states, etc.). But I watched my mother intensely critique her own body (and sometimes mine), I watched my father say those same things to her, and I never really had a concrete example of this immensely loving Priesthood holder who prized the woman in his life above everything else - none of the Prophets were directly in my life. (Yeah, sorry parents if you don't want me putting these things on the internet. But I'm actually not sorry. I feel I have every right to tell my own story, and I hope I never try to take this back when I have my own children and they do the same. I know you're not perfect and I don't expect you to be (anymore). But for the record, dad, I know you rant publicly on Facebook about my mother with great bias, which is extraordinarily mature; mom - you do the same to me in person, so again. I refuse to hide anything. I love you anyway, and I think you love me even though I'm screwed up too. At least I hope so.) One of the big reasons I was agnostic for 3 years and completely didn't believe in the church is that I saw a disconnect - my dad was a Bishop, a High Priest, etc. and I knew how he acted at home, and I did NOT think that God would have let someone make those choices while still being in an office of authority. One of the great realizations I had that made me choose to be LDS, though, is that people ARE NOT PERFECT. The Church is made up of those imperfect people. Some of our trials on Earth are dealing with those imperfect people doing terrible things to us and still believing in that gospel; recognizing that there is, in fact, a disparity between the religion and the people who run it. Anyway, like I said, I was relying too much on my parents' and others' perfection to believe I was more than good enough as is. Valuable just for existing.
2. Over time, I've seen that there are men who love their wives more than anything, and show it. I've cried publicly just watching dads hold their kids and seeing the facial expression they've got, or seeing husbands hold their wives' hands and look at them like they're what's right in the universe. I've experienced real love first hand (for a little while) as well. I've recognized that bodies aren't even KIND OF perfect - as a rule. Not just mine, everyone's. While I'm not a huge fan of gaining weight and stretchmarks and tan lines and everything else LIKE EVERYONE ELSE - I've come to a point where I love my body and I love me and all the things I can do. One of the things that keeps me strong in that knowledge is that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can comprehend, even when it seems like no one else does. And that eventually I can have a husband who loves me like the ones I've seen. Which leads to why I love marriage and practice abstinence. I am SO excited to find someone who digs me just how I am and I think they're rad as is and we can be a two-person team against everything else forever. Does that not sound fantastic? To me that sounds like the ultimate achievement. Finding that person and then bringing more people into the world with that most excellent person. The reason for abstinence until joining that team is because it saves me the heartbreak of opening up fully to the wrong person, not to mention sharing a bond that no one else in the universe would have with me. This doesn't discredit or devalue others for their choices regarding sex - or my previous, DEFINITELY not perfect choices. WE ARE NOT LESS AWESOME BECAUSE WE'RE IMPERFECT (it's just easier on your heart when you make protective choices - which is what I believe the LDS church is all about). Baby, we were born this way. And someday we will be.
So with that in mind, PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE SO ABSOLUTELY, FANTASTICALLY BEAUTIFUL IT BLOWS LOGIC OUT THE WINDOW. YOU ARE AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING CAPABLE OF INFINITE PROGRESSION AND FULL OF POTENTIAL. LEARNING IS IMPORTANT, LOVING IS IMPORTANT, STICKING AROUND ON EARTH AND NOT GIVING UP BECAUSE YOU ARE SO. FUCKING. EXCELLENT. IS IMPORTANT AND THERE IS AT LEAST ONE PERSON WHO REALLY, TRULY LOVES YOU - EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. It really sucks when I see people (including myself) not living up to that. Or at least trying. If there is ANY way I can make at least one person know that, I'll have lived a damn good life.
<3 Moriah.
[Yes there were swear words in that last paragraph. Like I said, not perfect, and they're spicy and shock-value filled enough to try to get my point across.]
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Journal Entries Now Too? For Real?
10/31/13
In honors chemistry today (note that these are honors students in a science class), someone was wearing a paper taped on his shirt that said “Affordable Care Act” – touting it (being a Democrat) as the scariest costume he could think of. Some other kid says, “Is the Affordable Care Act Republican and Obamacare is… Democrat?” Kid in the costume cannot answer this question, and instead starts with, “The Affordable Care Act is a leftist thinking, bordering on socialism, that’s going to destroy this country…” Another girl goes, “I hate you; you’re destroying my future job in the medical field.” Of course, none of them could explain any of their reasoning. I answered the girl’s question that the ACA and Obamacare are the same thing, repressed a very tempting eye roll, and sat down, while everyone had a party/healthcare reform bashing party.
Welcome to Idaho, Moriah.
What really bothers me is that I take the time to LEARN about the world, and about things that are important, and I'm still doing terribly grades-wise. I read non-fiction for fun, guys. But the collegiate system - at least at Boise State - is centered around info regurgitation and busy work - everything I hated about the shallowness of high school. I had such high expectations for higher education (I wonder why) and they've been torn down to say the least. The only classes I have now that I like are Music 100 and Forensics, and I LOVE science and math. So that says something. Why can't there be a place where we THINK about things, and their significance to the world and our own lives? Why is chemistry, a subject that I love, so monotonous and bland instead of really getting into what's so cool about it all? 15 hours of math problems a week = just training us to be robots, rather than conceptual and critical thinkers, and this conversation above shows some of that lack of critical thinking/info gathering. 18-20-SOMETHINGS! STOP ACCEPTING EVERYTHING FOX NEWS/INSERT OTHER BIASED NEWS SOURCE HERE SAYS AT FACE VALUE! GO LEARN ABOUT CITY COUNCIL CANDIDATES AND VOTE INFORMED BECAUSE LOCAL POLITICS ARE WHAT MATTER DAMMIT! LEARN FOR THE SAKE OF LEARNING INSTEAD OF FOR THE SAKE OF A SET GPA!
I'm very ready to just scrape by in college and do all of my learning outside of school if this is all it is.
11/01/13
In honors seminar today we watched a video called My Last Days about a kid with cancer who lived his life to the fullest before he went (that’s a really rudimentary summary, but you know, whatever). I was told to write a reflection of what I would do given a limited amount of time to live, so here it is:
I would drop everything and find some way to do nothing but travel and volunteer and be with people. I could join the Peace Corps, or WWOOF, or go on a mission, or train to be a medic and go help people who don’t have access to healthcare. I’d want to learn about other cultures and how to survive in less than industrial ideal conditions, because surviving something as hard as finding water and shelter would make me feel stronger and more connected to others who have to live that every day. I’d help my little siblings with homework, and babysit for free for people who desperately need a date night, and keep people who were also terminal company.
The thing that’s important in thinking about this is that it’s how I should be living every day. Life is so short and so finite; I could be gone at any time. I don’t want that time to be wasted with Facebook and such when I could be impacting other people’s lives far more than I am at the moment. Happiness comes from selflessness. I control my response to hard times, my attitude, and ultimately my happiness.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Death
It's an optimistic title, really.
No. No it's not. Not in the world we live in where people die every second of every day, most by no fault of their own, and leave families and friends behind with fragmented memories of who they are and what happened when they were alive.
I personally am so attached to people that I cannot even tolerate the idea of there being no afterlife. If you so believe, I am genuinely impressed with your ability to keep on keeping on. I am currently bawling like a two year old who had their Cheerios stolen over The Fault in Our Stars, and I rarely cry about books. If I knew for a fact that there was no afterlife, and I could not hold on to that hope - that desperate hope fueled by my own lack of knowledge, that drives my love for science because it is NOT KNOWING and searching for answers anyway - I would be in pieces everyday. Or worse, I would be selfish and take my own life, because I just couldn't handle knowing that people I loved were gone forever. Every suicide ever committed would be selfish, and I would be one of those selfish assholes, so I could just cease to exist and not have to tolerate loss.
The only reason I'm not sad when people die is that I do think life continues after. I didn't cry because I was sad my great-grandfather was gone when he left (the only person in my family or in my life that I've admired/known well enough to REALLY care that he was gone), in the same way I don't cry when people move. I can see them again. Time moves much faster than we give it credit for. What made me cry for a few days straight was seeing his lovely wife, who I just visited earlier this month (Who kicked my tail at Yahtzee, in her late nineties. Please, God, let me grow up to be like her.), look at him during the viewing. I obviously can't know what she was thinking, and I don't have the heart to ask, but she just looked like... someone who'd been deserted. Like he'd left her alone. I cry any time anyone else mourns because it's THEIR sadness that makes me upset. Not that the person is temporarily gone. It absolutely breaks my heart to see them in that sort of pain, because I know how I would be in that state - and everyone I've watched handles it so much better than me.
So here I am, thoroughly destroying a box of Puffs, because a fictional sixteen year old girl has to speak at her first love's funeral, with no confidence in any sort of afterlife. No Something with a capital S at the very least, for those of you who've read it. It's also because the boy she's mourning was obsessed with being some sort of globally important person before leaving the globe, the same way I am sometimes. (Who am I kidding, nearly all the time. I just want to save the world. Is that too much to ask?) Which made full realization smack me in my very rosy face: if I really believe in an eternal conception of time, why am I so hurried to reach my full potential? Why do I care so much about my serious imperfection? It's not restricted to 90-some years. I have until *insert humanly inconceivable amount of time here*. There's no rush. I don't need to get so down on myself when I make mistakes, because the wisdom I gain from them are far more valuable than the time they consume. Neither time nor money are goals that can be realistically achieved in this life. They're means to the end, not ends in and of themselves. It's something that people "know" but I don't think they really KNOW. The sort of thing we say but don't truly understand or believe. (Unless there's a select elite that is living a wonderfully chill life most would envy, which I'm sure there is.)
By the way, I finished the book. It's the best kind of book, in that the characters have the same sort of realization right after I do, and everything is right in the world. The sentence is finished.
No. No it's not. Not in the world we live in where people die every second of every day, most by no fault of their own, and leave families and friends behind with fragmented memories of who they are and what happened when they were alive.
I personally am so attached to people that I cannot even tolerate the idea of there being no afterlife. If you so believe, I am genuinely impressed with your ability to keep on keeping on. I am currently bawling like a two year old who had their Cheerios stolen over The Fault in Our Stars, and I rarely cry about books. If I knew for a fact that there was no afterlife, and I could not hold on to that hope - that desperate hope fueled by my own lack of knowledge, that drives my love for science because it is NOT KNOWING and searching for answers anyway - I would be in pieces everyday. Or worse, I would be selfish and take my own life, because I just couldn't handle knowing that people I loved were gone forever. Every suicide ever committed would be selfish, and I would be one of those selfish assholes, so I could just cease to exist and not have to tolerate loss.
The only reason I'm not sad when people die is that I do think life continues after. I didn't cry because I was sad my great-grandfather was gone when he left (the only person in my family or in my life that I've admired/known well enough to REALLY care that he was gone), in the same way I don't cry when people move. I can see them again. Time moves much faster than we give it credit for. What made me cry for a few days straight was seeing his lovely wife, who I just visited earlier this month (Who kicked my tail at Yahtzee, in her late nineties. Please, God, let me grow up to be like her.), look at him during the viewing. I obviously can't know what she was thinking, and I don't have the heart to ask, but she just looked like... someone who'd been deserted. Like he'd left her alone. I cry any time anyone else mourns because it's THEIR sadness that makes me upset. Not that the person is temporarily gone. It absolutely breaks my heart to see them in that sort of pain, because I know how I would be in that state - and everyone I've watched handles it so much better than me.
So here I am, thoroughly destroying a box of Puffs, because a fictional sixteen year old girl has to speak at her first love's funeral, with no confidence in any sort of afterlife. No Something with a capital S at the very least, for those of you who've read it. It's also because the boy she's mourning was obsessed with being some sort of globally important person before leaving the globe, the same way I am sometimes. (Who am I kidding, nearly all the time. I just want to save the world. Is that too much to ask?) Which made full realization smack me in my very rosy face: if I really believe in an eternal conception of time, why am I so hurried to reach my full potential? Why do I care so much about my serious imperfection? It's not restricted to 90-some years. I have until *insert humanly inconceivable amount of time here*. There's no rush. I don't need to get so down on myself when I make mistakes, because the wisdom I gain from them are far more valuable than the time they consume. Neither time nor money are goals that can be realistically achieved in this life. They're means to the end, not ends in and of themselves. It's something that people "know" but I don't think they really KNOW. The sort of thing we say but don't truly understand or believe. (Unless there's a select elite that is living a wonderfully chill life most would envy, which I'm sure there is.)
By the way, I finished the book. It's the best kind of book, in that the characters have the same sort of realization right after I do, and everything is right in the world. The sentence is finished.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
A Thought on Socialization and Transitioning to the Real World: Women in STEM Edition
When I don't have other things to do, I think, and I read. Lately, I've been reading articles online (as always, this particular one about genetic influence on intelligence, or rather, conventional IQ intelligence), and Half the Sky, by Kristof and WuDunn. (Yes I actually read recommended reading for school. It usually ends up on my list of favorites. This one is about taking oppression of women and turning it around as a solution to the world's many, MANY issues.) This combination of reading has lead to a "wondering" or two, one might say. Some that I've had in the back of my mind for a while.
What happened to me?
What can we do for girls in the future?
What can we do for women (including myself) now?
Before someone immediately dismisses what I have to say, I'm going to offer a preface. I strongly believe that everyone has immense amounts of natural talent, just in different areas, to serve different purposes. When I talk about mine, I don't mean to come off conceited or anything like it, because I could point out yours as well. I just want to offer an example of what I see as a widespread problem. Now onto the story.
When I was little, I blew the tops off of standardized testing. That's just what I was good at. I still kind of do. There are definitely people who have trouble with tests, but it's just something I'm gifted with, if I've ever learned the material. I also learned "book smarts" very quickly. Grade level classes bored me senseless. But when I read the books off of my parents' shelves, I knew what kinds of things I liked. I liked science, I liked medicine, I liked logic puzzles. Lots of other things too, like poetry, but especially those. I pretty much knew the anatomy of the human body when I was 7. It was hard to go to school and know that my friends didn't care about those things. All they cared about in school was achievement, rather than learning. Having good grades, getting awards, etc. Don't get me wrong, I wanted that too, but I also cared about the learning aspect. It broke my heart when kids got awards for having more AR points than me by having their moms read to them when I was reading chapter books by myself. Nonfiction ones, frequently. We were just never on the same sheet of music.
The best and worst thing that ever happened, school-wise, was when I skipped a grade in science and math in middle school. The school pretty much refused to skip me initially (and it had been like that for years) because, well, WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? THAT WOULD BE HARD AND I'M A GIRL. I got into high school level math, though, and honors biology, and I was finally learning material I hadn't heard before. It was still easy, but it was at least new. Unfortunately, my entire high school career after that pretty much sucked. Long story short, lost a million credits, took a million more, and after taking and retaking courses and graduating a year later than I should've, I've realized a lot of my zest for SCHOOL learning is gone. A lot of my perceived natural intelligence is too, because I haven't had time to nurture it.
I don't regret my life, because now I know I have to rely on hard work AND talent to get things done, but there are still some problems I see with this story that can be fixed on a social level:
A. How we socialize girls in their formative years.
I was lucky enough to have a mother pursuing medicine, so there was plenty of literature and example around for me, but there are SO MANY GIRLS who lost out on the idea that they could make science or math a career choice. They played in kitchens in kindergarten stations, bought Barbie dolls, and played MASH. Little did any of us know that the future world would be a place where (in many cases) both the men and women have to work. Why should girls settle for a last ditch secretary job or a "photography business on the side" if they really wanted to create things and cure people? I am here to tell you that there was far too little exposure to hard learning as a child, and that there were far too few girls who were treated like they really could be the President or cure cancer. We were just to get good grades for the virtue of achieving in school. There was NO stress on the idea of finding out what one loves to do. There were NO avenues to even FIGURE THAT OUT. THERE WAS NO INFORMATION AVAILABLE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR MOTHER'S PHYSIOLOGY BOOKS AT HOME. Boys have the expectation from very early on that they'll have to get a full time job, but girls are seemingly in limbo until late high school. It's like creating a career path isn't even a thing until you have to pick a college major, for them. Not cool.
B. The K-12 school system, and our attitude toward what is valuable when learning and applying things.
With that, I am not okay with the system we have in public schools in the great old USA. Having kids regurgitating information and rewarding book work/memorization with points is absurd. Keeping them in a cinder block prison of fluorescent lighting, sitting on their bums, for 8 hours, is not the way to do it. I watched field trips gradually disappear from school as I grew up, and that sucks, because they're some of my fondest memories. WE AREN'T LEARNING ANYTHING USEFUL ANYMORE. I've pretty much set it in stone that my children will not be attending traditional public schools. They'll learn whatever they're interested in. I'll answer their questions. They can go to museums and take college courses in whatever they want. They won't just sit watching sitcoms, but they can read articles online like I do. They can watch PBS, go to the library, etc. They can participate in any and every "extracurricular" they want, because THAT'S valuable learning. There's no sense in shoving things down children's throats that they don't want to create into a lifelong love/career/hobby. I literally have had times where I didn't have time to learn what I wanted to learn because I was too busy repairing lost credit in things I already knew or DIDN'T want to learn. That whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. The aftertaste of public schools is like milk half an hour later.
C. How we treat women in their breakout years.
At orientation for school, there were two people sitting at the Chemistry table, including me. The other one was male. This, of course, is a product of the former two problems. We all know that women are a "minority" in STEM careers. I have brochures that say so. The question is why we're making it so hard for there NOT to be a minority, if there are so few, when women contribute so much. I feel like the biggest reason women give up on their dreams is that they believe they're to be the largest shareholder in child-stock, and when their work doesn't make concessions, they do. Family needs to be incorporated into the workplace, for men as well, but especially for women. They should be allowed to breastfeed at work, daycares should be located within a short walking distance or within the building, if women so choose to put their children in daycare. Leave! Needs to be longer! More part time work in the hard sciences should be available, and school should also be more considerate of the family woman. We're in a new era, one in which grocery stores, washers/dryers, and robot vacuums exist. There isn't any more constant work for the woman at home. Housewifery isn't really an option.
I'd expand more, and likely will, but seeing as it's after midnight, this'll have to do. I'll try to write more often, too. ;)
Toodles!
-Moriah
What happened to me?
What can we do for girls in the future?
What can we do for women (including myself) now?
Before someone immediately dismisses what I have to say, I'm going to offer a preface. I strongly believe that everyone has immense amounts of natural talent, just in different areas, to serve different purposes. When I talk about mine, I don't mean to come off conceited or anything like it, because I could point out yours as well. I just want to offer an example of what I see as a widespread problem. Now onto the story.
When I was little, I blew the tops off of standardized testing. That's just what I was good at. I still kind of do. There are definitely people who have trouble with tests, but it's just something I'm gifted with, if I've ever learned the material. I also learned "book smarts" very quickly. Grade level classes bored me senseless. But when I read the books off of my parents' shelves, I knew what kinds of things I liked. I liked science, I liked medicine, I liked logic puzzles. Lots of other things too, like poetry, but especially those. I pretty much knew the anatomy of the human body when I was 7. It was hard to go to school and know that my friends didn't care about those things. All they cared about in school was achievement, rather than learning. Having good grades, getting awards, etc. Don't get me wrong, I wanted that too, but I also cared about the learning aspect. It broke my heart when kids got awards for having more AR points than me by having their moms read to them when I was reading chapter books by myself. Nonfiction ones, frequently. We were just never on the same sheet of music.
The best and worst thing that ever happened, school-wise, was when I skipped a grade in science and math in middle school. The school pretty much refused to skip me initially (and it had been like that for years) because, well, WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? THAT WOULD BE HARD AND I'M A GIRL. I got into high school level math, though, and honors biology, and I was finally learning material I hadn't heard before. It was still easy, but it was at least new. Unfortunately, my entire high school career after that pretty much sucked. Long story short, lost a million credits, took a million more, and after taking and retaking courses and graduating a year later than I should've, I've realized a lot of my zest for SCHOOL learning is gone. A lot of my perceived natural intelligence is too, because I haven't had time to nurture it.
I don't regret my life, because now I know I have to rely on hard work AND talent to get things done, but there are still some problems I see with this story that can be fixed on a social level:
A. How we socialize girls in their formative years.
I was lucky enough to have a mother pursuing medicine, so there was plenty of literature and example around for me, but there are SO MANY GIRLS who lost out on the idea that they could make science or math a career choice. They played in kitchens in kindergarten stations, bought Barbie dolls, and played MASH. Little did any of us know that the future world would be a place where (in many cases) both the men and women have to work. Why should girls settle for a last ditch secretary job or a "photography business on the side" if they really wanted to create things and cure people? I am here to tell you that there was far too little exposure to hard learning as a child, and that there were far too few girls who were treated like they really could be the President or cure cancer. We were just to get good grades for the virtue of achieving in school. There was NO stress on the idea of finding out what one loves to do. There were NO avenues to even FIGURE THAT OUT. THERE WAS NO INFORMATION AVAILABLE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR MOTHER'S PHYSIOLOGY BOOKS AT HOME. Boys have the expectation from very early on that they'll have to get a full time job, but girls are seemingly in limbo until late high school. It's like creating a career path isn't even a thing until you have to pick a college major, for them. Not cool.
B. The K-12 school system, and our attitude toward what is valuable when learning and applying things.
With that, I am not okay with the system we have in public schools in the great old USA. Having kids regurgitating information and rewarding book work/memorization with points is absurd. Keeping them in a cinder block prison of fluorescent lighting, sitting on their bums, for 8 hours, is not the way to do it. I watched field trips gradually disappear from school as I grew up, and that sucks, because they're some of my fondest memories. WE AREN'T LEARNING ANYTHING USEFUL ANYMORE. I've pretty much set it in stone that my children will not be attending traditional public schools. They'll learn whatever they're interested in. I'll answer their questions. They can go to museums and take college courses in whatever they want. They won't just sit watching sitcoms, but they can read articles online like I do. They can watch PBS, go to the library, etc. They can participate in any and every "extracurricular" they want, because THAT'S valuable learning. There's no sense in shoving things down children's throats that they don't want to create into a lifelong love/career/hobby. I literally have had times where I didn't have time to learn what I wanted to learn because I was too busy repairing lost credit in things I already knew or DIDN'T want to learn. That whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. The aftertaste of public schools is like milk half an hour later.
C. How we treat women in their breakout years.
At orientation for school, there were two people sitting at the Chemistry table, including me. The other one was male. This, of course, is a product of the former two problems. We all know that women are a "minority" in STEM careers. I have brochures that say so. The question is why we're making it so hard for there NOT to be a minority, if there are so few, when women contribute so much. I feel like the biggest reason women give up on their dreams is that they believe they're to be the largest shareholder in child-stock, and when their work doesn't make concessions, they do. Family needs to be incorporated into the workplace, for men as well, but especially for women. They should be allowed to breastfeed at work, daycares should be located within a short walking distance or within the building, if women so choose to put their children in daycare. Leave! Needs to be longer! More part time work in the hard sciences should be available, and school should also be more considerate of the family woman. We're in a new era, one in which grocery stores, washers/dryers, and robot vacuums exist. There isn't any more constant work for the woman at home. Housewifery isn't really an option.
I'd expand more, and likely will, but seeing as it's after midnight, this'll have to do. I'll try to write more often, too. ;)
Toodles!
-Moriah
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I'm Moriah, and I'm a Feminist
Now before you get your panties and/or boxers in a twist, I am not a lipstick feminist, a new wave feminist, etc. I don't burn my bras, I don't hate men, I don't think women are BETTER than men. I follow the classical path and think that women should have equal rights and opportunities wherever possible (whether they choose to take them or not) and be respected for their skills. Ain't that a crazy idea. It's been around for hundreds of years and people still can't seem to absorb it. Anyway, on to the real topic of this post.
I'm more than glad I started this blog so I don't get preachy on other people's Facebook posts. Not because their opinion is wrong, opinions can't be wrong, but there's usually something that greatly concerns me therein. And Facebook for most people is a terrible arena to offer life-related information, ironically. So here, people can read what I think if they choose, and if not, they can go on their merry way not knowing anything about how I see the world and also not being irritated by it. In this post's case, the inspiration was an article linked by Josie Rigby about modesty, a very obvious aspect of LDS culture/the gospel. (Article Here) Like I said, I respect everyone who agrees with the author's point of view, but I take a VERRRYYYYY different stance.
In the piece, there are some good points, like supporting women who wear modest swimwear by noting that they don't do it out of self-consciousness, but out of self-respect. That I totally agree with. That's why I wear one-pieces most of the time. I have respect for my very... voluptuous body and accept that it's easier and more practical to wear one-pieces. But 1. I have no problem with girls wearing less if they so choose, because to me, the stomach isn't a very sexual organ, and it is THEIR CHOICE. 2. People as stacked as me wear bikinis all the time, so I could do it, I just don't want to, because I'd fall all out of it.
The points I really didn't agree with, I'll elaborate on individually.
A. That it's a sacrifice, because bikinis are cute/people want to wear bikinis. (Whether it should be a sacrifice is what I focus on.)
B. That we should dress modestly to help the very visual boys out.
A. I really don't think it should be a sacrifice. I don't want to wear bikinis. If I did, I would. It's not self-respect if you'd rather be wearing something else, it's personal subjugation to say you have self respect. And it's putting down other girls who do have self respect but choose to wear bikinis by suggesting that you have to wear a one-piece or tankini to respect your body. If you're being modest because of religion it STILL shouldn't be a sacrifice. If following commandments is your goal, then do it wholeheartedly, don't wish you were able to do something else, jeez. If someone truly understood the reason behind a modesty clause in any religion, they wouldn't even want to wear what most of society wears. I feel like if you don't do things for love of God or real understanding of why they're in place, that you're just going through the movements - checking off followed rules, if you will.
B. This is a dangerous idea. Mortally terrifying, actually. The idea that women should dress for men placed into any context scares the living daylights out of me. Here's why.
- This turns into the argument that rape victims are to blame because they dressed "provocatively" and thereby "deserved it" and other such arguments. Like that women should be stoned or have acid thrown in their face.
- This makes men look like incapable of self-control, carnal beings who just want all the sex all the time. I know in my heart that guys who are taught well CAN control themselves, and everyone else making a bad name for them is being pacified by this idea.
- Guys put just as much on display on the beach! Literally every attractive body part they have! Frequently their pants are down low enough to see landscaping! NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS. Why are men the only sexual beings in this world? They want women to be good in bed and keep it coming during marriage but don't accept that they see things too. No one tells them to put a shirt on. You know WHY no one tells them? Because they're men. They're in charge of who tells people what. The other reason? Because women have self control and can handle people doing what they want. Get with the program, men. This makes you look bad, not us. I know you can do it.
- *See post about slut shaming* I've already spoken a little about this earlier in this post, and in others. WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE JUDGED (whether thought of as bad people, or speculated about as far as sexual activity) FOR WHAT THEY CHOOSE TO PUT ON THEIR BODY. Gosh.
Summary of what SHOULD happen?
Ladies, wear whatever swimwear you want. But don't tell other people what to wear. And don't do it because you want to support supposed male inadequacy. Or because you feel forced to.
Guys, get a spine and self-control, if you don't have it, and if you do, use it proudly. And feel free to wear a shirt at the beach if you expect modesty out of women. Two way street, people.
Have a lovely day,
Moriah
I'm more than glad I started this blog so I don't get preachy on other people's Facebook posts. Not because their opinion is wrong, opinions can't be wrong, but there's usually something that greatly concerns me therein. And Facebook for most people is a terrible arena to offer life-related information, ironically. So here, people can read what I think if they choose, and if not, they can go on their merry way not knowing anything about how I see the world and also not being irritated by it. In this post's case, the inspiration was an article linked by Josie Rigby about modesty, a very obvious aspect of LDS culture/the gospel. (Article Here) Like I said, I respect everyone who agrees with the author's point of view, but I take a VERRRYYYYY different stance.
In the piece, there are some good points, like supporting women who wear modest swimwear by noting that they don't do it out of self-consciousness, but out of self-respect. That I totally agree with. That's why I wear one-pieces most of the time. I have respect for my very... voluptuous body and accept that it's easier and more practical to wear one-pieces. But 1. I have no problem with girls wearing less if they so choose, because to me, the stomach isn't a very sexual organ, and it is THEIR CHOICE. 2. People as stacked as me wear bikinis all the time, so I could do it, I just don't want to, because I'd fall all out of it.
The points I really didn't agree with, I'll elaborate on individually.
A. That it's a sacrifice, because bikinis are cute/people want to wear bikinis. (Whether it should be a sacrifice is what I focus on.)
B. That we should dress modestly to help the very visual boys out.
A. I really don't think it should be a sacrifice. I don't want to wear bikinis. If I did, I would. It's not self-respect if you'd rather be wearing something else, it's personal subjugation to say you have self respect. And it's putting down other girls who do have self respect but choose to wear bikinis by suggesting that you have to wear a one-piece or tankini to respect your body. If you're being modest because of religion it STILL shouldn't be a sacrifice. If following commandments is your goal, then do it wholeheartedly, don't wish you were able to do something else, jeez. If someone truly understood the reason behind a modesty clause in any religion, they wouldn't even want to wear what most of society wears. I feel like if you don't do things for love of God or real understanding of why they're in place, that you're just going through the movements - checking off followed rules, if you will.
B. This is a dangerous idea. Mortally terrifying, actually. The idea that women should dress for men placed into any context scares the living daylights out of me. Here's why.
- This turns into the argument that rape victims are to blame because they dressed "provocatively" and thereby "deserved it" and other such arguments. Like that women should be stoned or have acid thrown in their face.
- This makes men look like incapable of self-control, carnal beings who just want all the sex all the time. I know in my heart that guys who are taught well CAN control themselves, and everyone else making a bad name for them is being pacified by this idea.
- Guys put just as much on display on the beach! Literally every attractive body part they have! Frequently their pants are down low enough to see landscaping! NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS. Why are men the only sexual beings in this world? They want women to be good in bed and keep it coming during marriage but don't accept that they see things too. No one tells them to put a shirt on. You know WHY no one tells them? Because they're men. They're in charge of who tells people what. The other reason? Because women have self control and can handle people doing what they want. Get with the program, men. This makes you look bad, not us. I know you can do it.
- *See post about slut shaming* I've already spoken a little about this earlier in this post, and in others. WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE JUDGED (whether thought of as bad people, or speculated about as far as sexual activity) FOR WHAT THEY CHOOSE TO PUT ON THEIR BODY. Gosh.
Summary of what SHOULD happen?
Ladies, wear whatever swimwear you want. But don't tell other people what to wear. And don't do it because you want to support supposed male inadequacy. Or because you feel forced to.
Guys, get a spine and self-control, if you don't have it, and if you do, use it proudly. And feel free to wear a shirt at the beach if you expect modesty out of women. Two way street, people.
Have a lovely day,
Moriah
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
This One I'm Not Sure About
This post is either going to be a massive complain sesh or a profound life lesson revelation. We'll see as it unfolds. This blog is becoming a means for me to work out my feelings, so who knows what'll happen.
Allow me to preface this with a little (not actually little) description of the way I've lived life, and something I've recently discovered is different in (apparently) a sizeable population of people:
I've almost never gotten help with homework. Literally never after 3rd grade. I figured it the hell out on my own. I won science fairs by myself after that 3rd grade one in which my mother glued the fabric on the board, and stayed up all night keeping me awake. (Thank you, because I got second. Above higher grade kids. You know it.) I did the FAFSA by myself. I learned how to pay taxes and invest and start bank accounts by myself, and I can't even do a few of those things yet. I applied for college by myself. Scholarships, too. My mother proofread ONE of my high school papers, and she missed a ton of things that were found by college friends, so I've never gotten that help again, because I didn't need it. I don't expect my parents to help me after eighteen, despite the fact that loans scare the bejeezus out of me. I don't intend to come home over summer breaks. I can cook, sew, iron, do laundry, coupon, care for children, and do many MANY crafty things, most of which I learned on my own. When I'm a grown-up, I'll be a grown-up, because I've been doing reasonable chunks of it this entire time. I could plausibly move out right this second (or years ago) and while it would be really hard, I wouldn't fail. I could do it. I know things.
The thing I've recently learned is that this is not the norm. While there are people like Stephanie Barnes who've pretty much kicked life in the tookus and done everything since before graduating high school all the while looking fabulous, there are TONS of kids who get monthly checks when they're living away. Every person I talked to in my touring group at UH was having college FULLY paid for by their parents. All of them. They didn't even know how much it actually cost. They were surprised when I told them just how much in loans I would have to take out (before I even knew how much I'd REALLY have to take out) and they just chose which college to go to by what they liked. They were also surprised I couldn't afford WSU because they were under the impression that it was cheap.
It's not.
I would be at University of Chicago or Yale or something if I could just choose what I wanted in life and it would be given to me. I would have been there a year ago.
I'm at that stage in life where you start becoming infantile again to avoid the sh*tstorm that's about to happen, and in doing so, I'm being as jealous as jealous can be of all the people that get that much help with life.
The ones who get money every week. The ones whose parents do their applications for them, the ones who were handed nice cars, whose parents will continue to pay insurance on it til they're ancient, etc.
Yes that's an exaggeration. Is it completely wrong? Not even close. I literally have fewer friends who are in the same no-help boat as me than ones who are getting fully taken care of.
And I don't know yet which is more effective! Because everyone in the generations before me that I've ever talked to hasn't gotten any of this magical load of help. There is nothing for me to work off of, that I can find. I won't know how I want to deal with my kids 'til I see where we all end up in a few years. (Which I guess is convenient timing? IDK.) I'm ungrateful to want the things that my peers have because my family never had it, and simply because it's not going to happen for me, but I see them reaping the benefits every day, and it sucks sometimes.
The thing is, I'm aware that I don't want to be that kid who doesn't know how to do laundry. I know I'd rather write my own papers, because frankly, they're better. (My parents are good at like, computers and health and things. Not writing eloquent papers. Or teaching anything math. Praise be to the Lord that they didn't homeschool.) And I know for a fact I'll be fine eventually, because I'm smart and I'm going to make it better than okay, with a lofty income. The loans I have now will be chump change.
The trouble is living in fear until that point, because debt makes me anxious.
I suppose if that's all I'm afraid of, then I don't really need to be afraid - because of the previous explanation. The bachelor's degree I'm getting will land me jobs in the $50,000-$70,000 range straight out of college. With my MD I can make up to $200,000 a year. Education is absolutely a worthwhile investment.
That DOES make me feel better. :)
-Moriah
Allow me to preface this with a little (not actually little) description of the way I've lived life, and something I've recently discovered is different in (apparently) a sizeable population of people:
I've almost never gotten help with homework. Literally never after 3rd grade. I figured it the hell out on my own. I won science fairs by myself after that 3rd grade one in which my mother glued the fabric on the board, and stayed up all night keeping me awake. (Thank you, because I got second. Above higher grade kids. You know it.) I did the FAFSA by myself. I learned how to pay taxes and invest and start bank accounts by myself, and I can't even do a few of those things yet. I applied for college by myself. Scholarships, too. My mother proofread ONE of my high school papers, and she missed a ton of things that were found by college friends, so I've never gotten that help again, because I didn't need it. I don't expect my parents to help me after eighteen, despite the fact that loans scare the bejeezus out of me. I don't intend to come home over summer breaks. I can cook, sew, iron, do laundry, coupon, care for children, and do many MANY crafty things, most of which I learned on my own. When I'm a grown-up, I'll be a grown-up, because I've been doing reasonable chunks of it this entire time. I could plausibly move out right this second (or years ago) and while it would be really hard, I wouldn't fail. I could do it. I know things.
The thing I've recently learned is that this is not the norm. While there are people like Stephanie Barnes who've pretty much kicked life in the tookus and done everything since before graduating high school all the while looking fabulous, there are TONS of kids who get monthly checks when they're living away. Every person I talked to in my touring group at UH was having college FULLY paid for by their parents. All of them. They didn't even know how much it actually cost. They were surprised when I told them just how much in loans I would have to take out (before I even knew how much I'd REALLY have to take out) and they just chose which college to go to by what they liked. They were also surprised I couldn't afford WSU because they were under the impression that it was cheap.
It's not.
I would be at University of Chicago or Yale or something if I could just choose what I wanted in life and it would be given to me. I would have been there a year ago.
I'm at that stage in life where you start becoming infantile again to avoid the sh*tstorm that's about to happen, and in doing so, I'm being as jealous as jealous can be of all the people that get that much help with life.
The ones who get money every week. The ones whose parents do their applications for them, the ones who were handed nice cars, whose parents will continue to pay insurance on it til they're ancient, etc.
Yes that's an exaggeration. Is it completely wrong? Not even close. I literally have fewer friends who are in the same no-help boat as me than ones who are getting fully taken care of.
And I don't know yet which is more effective! Because everyone in the generations before me that I've ever talked to hasn't gotten any of this magical load of help. There is nothing for me to work off of, that I can find. I won't know how I want to deal with my kids 'til I see where we all end up in a few years. (Which I guess is convenient timing? IDK.) I'm ungrateful to want the things that my peers have because my family never had it, and simply because it's not going to happen for me, but I see them reaping the benefits every day, and it sucks sometimes.
The thing is, I'm aware that I don't want to be that kid who doesn't know how to do laundry. I know I'd rather write my own papers, because frankly, they're better. (My parents are good at like, computers and health and things. Not writing eloquent papers. Or teaching anything math. Praise be to the Lord that they didn't homeschool.) And I know for a fact I'll be fine eventually, because I'm smart and I'm going to make it better than okay, with a lofty income. The loans I have now will be chump change.
The trouble is living in fear until that point, because debt makes me anxious.
I suppose if that's all I'm afraid of, then I don't really need to be afraid - because of the previous explanation. The bachelor's degree I'm getting will land me jobs in the $50,000-$70,000 range straight out of college. With my MD I can make up to $200,000 a year. Education is absolutely a worthwhile investment.
That DOES make me feel better. :)
-Moriah
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I Hate the Word Fat
I really do. I know euphemisms don't really do anything but make things sound nicer, but calling people mean names doesn't do anything but make you an a**hole.
There's no reason to ridicule people for what they look like or choose to do. Ever. There's also no reason to judge them for it, negatively. Judging meaning making preconceived and one-sided ideas about them, not judging as in sizing up positively/who you think they MIGHT BE.
I've recently realized JUST HOW MANY people would refuse to date someone (or be friends with them even) over something as small as 5-10 pounds. People who are beautiful/handsome to no end, and talented, and intelligent, that are only a little squishy in the tummy. Everything else is right! And I've realized that I used to think like that, attractiveness-wise, and I was so wrong.
It's taken me gaining weight and keeping it for pretty much no reason (I take care of myself. I move around, I eat good foods, etc.) other than that it's how I'm built, to come to a point where IDGAF whether someone has lean muscle when deciding who to date. It's a nice bonus, sure, but what's important is "the person, not what they look like." - Fat Albert :)
I've heard members of my own family, who are ALSO OVERWEIGHT, call people disgusting because of their size, and speculate about their ability to adequately have sexual relations. Since when are people gross? Since when was it okay to look at someone who (depending on your beliefs) was created by GOD (or defeated all odds to be born, because that's a feat) and make them out to be less than you because of their stored energy? I'm getting all worked up, haha.
I just got to thinking, "I have absolutely wonderful great grandparents, who were (are) married forever. What if they'd gotten bored, or just weren't attracted to each other anymore (BECAUSE EVERYONE GAINS WEIGHT OR GETS SOFT WHEN THEY GET OLD), and got divorced like everyone else seems to be doing? I wouldn't have seen the kind of love that builds up in over seventy years and know what I want for myself. I wouldn't know that those sorts of relationships exist."
Those people that won't even say maybe to someone because of a few extra pounds are the same hypocritical S's O B's that aren't going to be attracted to their spouses when they age. The same type of people who cheat because "oh, they let themselves go, I deserve someone attractive".
I don't WANT to date that person. So it's GOOD that they make it clear in the beginning.
We live in a world that is SO superficial, that sometimes we forget to look at who the PERSON is, rather than the body that's carrying them. We also forget that everyone is beautiful to someone, and everyone is someone's child, someone's sister/brother, someone's parent. There are people that love them, who would chop my proverbial balls off if I said things like that aloud in their presence.
I've started trying to remember that every time someone pisses me off, and I feel like thinking they're bad people. It's hard, but it's worth it.
<3
Moriah
There's no reason to ridicule people for what they look like or choose to do. Ever. There's also no reason to judge them for it, negatively. Judging meaning making preconceived and one-sided ideas about them, not judging as in sizing up positively/who you think they MIGHT BE.
I've recently realized JUST HOW MANY people would refuse to date someone (or be friends with them even) over something as small as 5-10 pounds. People who are beautiful/handsome to no end, and talented, and intelligent, that are only a little squishy in the tummy. Everything else is right! And I've realized that I used to think like that, attractiveness-wise, and I was so wrong.
It's taken me gaining weight and keeping it for pretty much no reason (I take care of myself. I move around, I eat good foods, etc.) other than that it's how I'm built, to come to a point where IDGAF whether someone has lean muscle when deciding who to date. It's a nice bonus, sure, but what's important is "the person, not what they look like." - Fat Albert :)
I've heard members of my own family, who are ALSO OVERWEIGHT, call people disgusting because of their size, and speculate about their ability to adequately have sexual relations. Since when are people gross? Since when was it okay to look at someone who (depending on your beliefs) was created by GOD (or defeated all odds to be born, because that's a feat) and make them out to be less than you because of their stored energy? I'm getting all worked up, haha.
I just got to thinking, "I have absolutely wonderful great grandparents, who were (are) married forever. What if they'd gotten bored, or just weren't attracted to each other anymore (BECAUSE EVERYONE GAINS WEIGHT OR GETS SOFT WHEN THEY GET OLD), and got divorced like everyone else seems to be doing? I wouldn't have seen the kind of love that builds up in over seventy years and know what I want for myself. I wouldn't know that those sorts of relationships exist."
Those people that won't even say maybe to someone because of a few extra pounds are the same hypocritical S's O B's that aren't going to be attracted to their spouses when they age. The same type of people who cheat because "oh, they let themselves go, I deserve someone attractive".
I don't WANT to date that person. So it's GOOD that they make it clear in the beginning.
We live in a world that is SO superficial, that sometimes we forget to look at who the PERSON is, rather than the body that's carrying them. We also forget that everyone is beautiful to someone, and everyone is someone's child, someone's sister/brother, someone's parent. There are people that love them, who would chop my proverbial balls off if I said things like that aloud in their presence.
I've started trying to remember that every time someone pisses me off, and I feel like thinking they're bad people. It's hard, but it's worth it.
<3
Moriah
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