Yes, you read correctly. I do whatever I want. That sounds so rebellious, doesn't it?
Wrong.
Actually, doing whatever I want has made me pretty free. I don't feel obligated to be anyone that I'm not. But I'm not a bad kid. Let me give you examples, I'll tell you straight up. But first, some of the inspiration for this post:
One Million Moms
Parents who are concerned about their kids wearing thongs (See articles all over the interwebs about misinformed parents thinking PINK is targeted at 12 year olds and not the college students it's actually targeted at.) or refuse to let them date certain people or berate them for their hair color choice or really anything else that's part of adolescence and not truly harmful
People who force their beliefs on others
Etc.
Now on to the examples:
-I wear the clothes I want, and sometimes they're pretty weird, but never immodest. I respect my body, so what I want is to clothe it in things I like that aren't hypersexual. But guess what? I'm not going to judge you on your clothing choice.
-I wear lacy thong underwear, even on my period, like now. I don't think that's hypersexual because no one can see it but me. They're comfortable. There are no panty lines. So really, they're more modest than people whose underwear you can see, I think. I'm glad my parents don't govern the clothes I wear or the panties I choose because it means I learned to make the choices on my own and don't resent them as much as some other kids.
-I just told you I'm on my period. It's getting crazy in here.
-Along that line, I've never had sex. Do I want to? Not yet. I'm waiting til I get married. If I wanted to, I would. But I don't, because I'm religious by choice.
-Oh look, I'm religious. In a culture where "doing what you want" has the context of being some crazy carnal drunken sex machine, I go to church. Because I want to.
-I'm not getting married yet, because I don't want to. It doesn't feel right for me to marry as young as other girls. It may be right for them, and I'm happy for them, but it's so not for me.
-I'm also not having kids til after I finish med school. That means in Mormonia, I'll be an old maid in my upper twenties. But I don't care.
-I'm going to be a psychiatrist. A woman with an MD? SUPER crazy. I also have several ideas for when I have enough money to develop and innovate technology that helps the world we live in.
-I cut my hair to an inch short because I felt like it. I wasn't afraid of losing my femininity, or of what others would think. I like it, I never have to pull it out of my face.
-I eat the food that I want. In moderation, of course, but I'm not going to relegate my life to cottage cheese so that I'm slave to a scale.
-I exercise because I like it. I was on swim team for 6 years, now I walk 3+ miles at least 3-4 times a week and do yoga.
-I don't drink or do drugs because I don't want to. It just grosses me out, man.
-I'm going to the library (my homeland) in a few minutes. On purpose. For leisure.
See how doing what I want means there are few stereotypes I fit in? I'm not a stereotypical Mormon. I'm not a stereotypical woman. I'm not a stereotypical teenager. In fact, I don't know of very many people who share the same perspective on the world as I do. Pretty much any of them. But because I don't subjugate myself and my actions to anyone else, I am happy. I do what I'm supposed to religiously because I WANT TO. Not because I've been told to. My ambition stems from being who I want to be, and that's much stronger than being who anyone else wants me to be.
Which definitely clarifies how I intend to parent. When my family was very tight on the reins, I hated all of their guidance, and instead did stupid things to alienate myself from that. When they became pretty permissive, and let the world teach me, I started doing the right thing because I wanted to. I firmly believe that you teach your children correct principles, set out a reasonable amount of rules with clear consequences, and then let them free to learn. (And let them be free to come back, and make it very clear that you love them no matter what.) You don't have to worry about what society tells your kids if you raise them to not listen to it and make their own choices! Stop focusing on what big bad companies are doing and instead focus on your kids; bad corporate people are NEVER going away. We live in a world that is continually getting more "morally unsound". Protesting it doesn't fix it. Families teaching their children well fixes it. But that's just my opinion. And, you know, the opinion of a lot of religious and secular leaders.
The beauty of it is that none of you have to do that. You don't have to agree with me. You don't even have to read this. You can also do whatever you want. You can get high off your... butts... (I'm trying to kick swearing. I read an article stating that the pain reduction and shock value benefits decrease if you overuse it. And it just makes some people uncomfortable; I'll try not to assault your ears/eyes.) on LSD if you so choose. I personally don't think that's what makes for real happiness, but if that's what you want, that's your deal. Choosing for yourself is something that you can use to enhance your life or to make it a personal hell, whatever that is for you.
This blog is turning into some kind of personal empowerment thing. My motto is turning into "love, don't judge". I'll also probably get a coexist bumper sticker on the back of my little station wagon. "What a liberal," my parents will say. "How did we conceive her?" And I am/will do it because I want to.
PEACE
-Moriah
Monday, March 25, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
What Irks Me Today: Slut Shaming
For those of you who are unaware of the term, slut shaming is ridiculing or attacking women for their sexual activity, present or not. It does not imply they are actual sluts, which truthfully don't exist unless one lays that name upon themself. Now, why would Moriah choose this topic (of ALL the topics in the world) to write about today? Because people on the internet can be really stupid. Shocker, I know.
I see meme and picture and post in abundance about how "geeky girls" aren't really nerdy, they're just looking for attention, how scantily clad girls must have 50 kinds of STDs, how certain beautiful girls are too pretty to be virgins, and numerous other kinds of SHAMEFUL behavior.
For instance, over 5,000 people liked a photo (in the past few minutes) that said "New Rule: If your glasses don't have lenses, we get to gouge your eyes out." In hundreds of comments, there were only two positive ones, and the most liked one said "Oh, look. A slut found glasses." The girl in the picture was fully clothed, in nothing elaborate, with no makeup on. Is it really getting that bad, guys? Bad enough that even the "nerds", the people who have been stepped on in pop culture and considered by many the bottom of the social food chain are thinking they're above people who aren't truly nerdy enough? (I'm not bashing nerdy people, by the way. Simply pointing out that a previously catch-all group of misfits, including myself, has turned into some kind of stupid exclusive club.)
Here's an idea: You can't tell whether someone's had sex by how they look.
And another: It's not more likely because that person is female, or gorgeous, or dresses/acts a certain way.
And another: Even if they have, even more than once, IT'S NOT YOUR D*MN BUSINESS. And you have no right to judge them.
It's been hard for me personally to stop judging people by how "slutty" they seemingly are. I'm not going to lie, it's difficult. Even thinking less of people for pretty much anything they do is undue judging. Being frustrated with their life choices is cool. But thinking you're better than them is completely not okay. They get enough from everyone else, and it's impossible for people to fully change if your view of them can't change as well.
With that, this whole quick-to-judge thing needs to stop everywhere. In every situation. Gender, sexual orientation, political party, clothing style, body fat percentage. There is WAY too much negativity in this world, and news flash: IT DOESN'T MAKE ANYONE BETTER TO POINT OUT THEIR "FLAWS". It just makes them self conscious, and worse off than before. Lay off, guys. For real.
-Moriah
I see meme and picture and post in abundance about how "geeky girls" aren't really nerdy, they're just looking for attention, how scantily clad girls must have 50 kinds of STDs, how certain beautiful girls are too pretty to be virgins, and numerous other kinds of SHAMEFUL behavior.
For instance, over 5,000 people liked a photo (in the past few minutes) that said "New Rule: If your glasses don't have lenses, we get to gouge your eyes out." In hundreds of comments, there were only two positive ones, and the most liked one said "Oh, look. A slut found glasses." The girl in the picture was fully clothed, in nothing elaborate, with no makeup on. Is it really getting that bad, guys? Bad enough that even the "nerds", the people who have been stepped on in pop culture and considered by many the bottom of the social food chain are thinking they're above people who aren't truly nerdy enough? (I'm not bashing nerdy people, by the way. Simply pointing out that a previously catch-all group of misfits, including myself, has turned into some kind of stupid exclusive club.)
Here's an idea: You can't tell whether someone's had sex by how they look.
And another: It's not more likely because that person is female, or gorgeous, or dresses/acts a certain way.
And another: Even if they have, even more than once, IT'S NOT YOUR D*MN BUSINESS. And you have no right to judge them.
It's been hard for me personally to stop judging people by how "slutty" they seemingly are. I'm not going to lie, it's difficult. Even thinking less of people for pretty much anything they do is undue judging. Being frustrated with their life choices is cool. But thinking you're better than them is completely not okay. They get enough from everyone else, and it's impossible for people to fully change if your view of them can't change as well.
With that, this whole quick-to-judge thing needs to stop everywhere. In every situation. Gender, sexual orientation, political party, clothing style, body fat percentage. There is WAY too much negativity in this world, and news flash: IT DOESN'T MAKE ANYONE BETTER TO POINT OUT THEIR "FLAWS". It just makes them self conscious, and worse off than before. Lay off, guys. For real.
-Moriah
Sunday, March 3, 2013
A How-To Lesson On Happiness
(It's been a month. Whoops! I have a bunch of drafts, but here: something finished.)
I've come to the strangest realization today: I am happy. And sometimes I completely take it for granted that I am.
See, I've learned that people always have one dominating feeling, and environmental circumstances modify it this way or that throughout the day. Some people are always afraid and insecure. Some people are always hurt and angry. Some people are always happy. Does that mean they can't be the opposite emotion for a period of time? Heck no. But it does occupy the majority of their life.
I had a period of sad for about a year or so. Most people would call it clinical depression. In that time, I gained twenty pounds, cried for no reason, did stupid, illegal things, couldn't bring myself to do my homework or even things I loved - you've seen it all. I had happy days, when I was at the beach with friends or something like that, but it didn't erase the prevailing empty feeling. I didn't feel loved, or worth anything to the world, or beautiful, or intelligent - I didn't feel anything good.
That's why the idea that I am a happy person in a very cruel and unhappy world is fascinating to me. The idea that I'm still happy when horrible things get thrown my way and when life gets even harder is even more of an enigma. There are so few people that would describe themselves as happy, it hurts me to watch. I want to shake them, and yell (or sing or something, so it's not QUITE so aggressive) in their faces that they're astonishingly gorgeous beings that deserve everything good that the world can give them. That they have no reason to be sad or angry even when terrible things happen to them because they are SO MUCH MORE AWESOME than the things that are happening to them.
I think it's clear that the one big feeling CAN be changed, but it's very difficult. I don't even fully know how I did it. The only connection I can make is that I threw myself wholeheartedly into my religion of choice, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You obviously don't need to be Mormon to be happy; there are plenty of people who do without and are genuinely happy, but I can tell you what you do need, and all of those things were (luckily) incorporated into said religion. End religious preach, begin life preach:
1. You have to love and serve other people more than yourself. Whoever started the stupid idea that you have to love yourself first to love others did no one any favors. In fact, the more you realize your own capacity to love, the more you begin seeing all the good in others, and how big THEIR capacity to love is, and then - you realize you're good and loved too. You don't need to have a fantastic family life, you don't need a significant other. YOU DON'T NEED OTHERS TO LOVE YOU TO FEEL LOVED. And it goes vice versa. I can tell you, looking back, that so many people have loved me so much, and told me. Made it VERY obvious. But because I was so sucked up in myself, I couldn't see that. I couldn't hear them tell me every day. Only after getting over myself and seeing how awesome everyone else is did I realize just how awesome I am.
2. After you realize the awesome that is you, you stop caring about the negative influences of the media and society in general. You say "screw you" to airbrushed magazine photos, to social idealizations, to everything else that would try to make you feel less than you are. You stop trying to be "cool" and instead be you, which is automatically cool. And it's only uphill from there. Once you can walk out the door and know that you don't need any of those things, your self esteem goes up, so you start taking care of yourself, so your healthy, happy, self looks even more radiant than it was before. And people notice, so you gain real friends who are happy to be around someone as happy as you, instead of people sucking the life out of you with the only payback being "popularity". It's a wonderfully vicious cycle.
3. You then do things that you love. You get hobbies, find an enjoyable form of exercise, join clubs. Those who are busy and happy are very rarely lonely. I've been single for over a year and a half now. Haven't even had a real date. Do I care? Not a bit. Those poor suckers are missing out on all the fun things I'm doing. I just moved 3000+ miles across the country, with no friends here, and I'm still happy. I can go to Books-A-Million for three hours just browsing. SMELLS SO GOOD
4. You throw in the occasional crazy stunt. Not illegal, but internally frightening, like chopping off all your hair, cliff diving, taking a gender studies class as a heterosexual man, walking up to random people and just talking. You don't need to do idiotic things to get an adrenaline rush when you can get it from proactive things. And that, my friend, is how you move on to the next thing:
5. You gradually get rid of bad habits. Note: GRADUALLY. And replace them with good things mentioned above. If you get rid of something, there's a hole there that needs to be filled. So do something productive instead of destructive every time you feel the urge to do the latter, and it'll go away. You can't just stop cold turkey and then beat yourself up every time you relapse. You have to be able to accept that you are imperfect, and that's not magically going to change. As such, you have to learn to FORGIVE YOURSELF. You are worth forgiving. And you can't get better without acknowledging what was previously bad.
I could probably go on forever. I hope those five steps are enough to get at least a few people jump-started on the road to happy living. It's much better on the light side, I promise. We have cheesecake.
I've come to the strangest realization today: I am happy. And sometimes I completely take it for granted that I am.
See, I've learned that people always have one dominating feeling, and environmental circumstances modify it this way or that throughout the day. Some people are always afraid and insecure. Some people are always hurt and angry. Some people are always happy. Does that mean they can't be the opposite emotion for a period of time? Heck no. But it does occupy the majority of their life.
I had a period of sad for about a year or so. Most people would call it clinical depression. In that time, I gained twenty pounds, cried for no reason, did stupid, illegal things, couldn't bring myself to do my homework or even things I loved - you've seen it all. I had happy days, when I was at the beach with friends or something like that, but it didn't erase the prevailing empty feeling. I didn't feel loved, or worth anything to the world, or beautiful, or intelligent - I didn't feel anything good.
That's why the idea that I am a happy person in a very cruel and unhappy world is fascinating to me. The idea that I'm still happy when horrible things get thrown my way and when life gets even harder is even more of an enigma. There are so few people that would describe themselves as happy, it hurts me to watch. I want to shake them, and yell (or sing or something, so it's not QUITE so aggressive) in their faces that they're astonishingly gorgeous beings that deserve everything good that the world can give them. That they have no reason to be sad or angry even when terrible things happen to them because they are SO MUCH MORE AWESOME than the things that are happening to them.
I think it's clear that the one big feeling CAN be changed, but it's very difficult. I don't even fully know how I did it. The only connection I can make is that I threw myself wholeheartedly into my religion of choice, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You obviously don't need to be Mormon to be happy; there are plenty of people who do without and are genuinely happy, but I can tell you what you do need, and all of those things were (luckily) incorporated into said religion. End religious preach, begin life preach:
1. You have to love and serve other people more than yourself. Whoever started the stupid idea that you have to love yourself first to love others did no one any favors. In fact, the more you realize your own capacity to love, the more you begin seeing all the good in others, and how big THEIR capacity to love is, and then - you realize you're good and loved too. You don't need to have a fantastic family life, you don't need a significant other. YOU DON'T NEED OTHERS TO LOVE YOU TO FEEL LOVED. And it goes vice versa. I can tell you, looking back, that so many people have loved me so much, and told me. Made it VERY obvious. But because I was so sucked up in myself, I couldn't see that. I couldn't hear them tell me every day. Only after getting over myself and seeing how awesome everyone else is did I realize just how awesome I am.
2. After you realize the awesome that is you, you stop caring about the negative influences of the media and society in general. You say "screw you" to airbrushed magazine photos, to social idealizations, to everything else that would try to make you feel less than you are. You stop trying to be "cool" and instead be you, which is automatically cool. And it's only uphill from there. Once you can walk out the door and know that you don't need any of those things, your self esteem goes up, so you start taking care of yourself, so your healthy, happy, self looks even more radiant than it was before. And people notice, so you gain real friends who are happy to be around someone as happy as you, instead of people sucking the life out of you with the only payback being "popularity". It's a wonderfully vicious cycle.
3. You then do things that you love. You get hobbies, find an enjoyable form of exercise, join clubs. Those who are busy and happy are very rarely lonely. I've been single for over a year and a half now. Haven't even had a real date. Do I care? Not a bit. Those poor suckers are missing out on all the fun things I'm doing. I just moved 3000+ miles across the country, with no friends here, and I'm still happy. I can go to Books-A-Million for three hours just browsing. SMELLS SO GOOD
4. You throw in the occasional crazy stunt. Not illegal, but internally frightening, like chopping off all your hair, cliff diving, taking a gender studies class as a heterosexual man, walking up to random people and just talking. You don't need to do idiotic things to get an adrenaline rush when you can get it from proactive things. And that, my friend, is how you move on to the next thing:
5. You gradually get rid of bad habits. Note: GRADUALLY. And replace them with good things mentioned above. If you get rid of something, there's a hole there that needs to be filled. So do something productive instead of destructive every time you feel the urge to do the latter, and it'll go away. You can't just stop cold turkey and then beat yourself up every time you relapse. You have to be able to accept that you are imperfect, and that's not magically going to change. As such, you have to learn to FORGIVE YOURSELF. You are worth forgiving. And you can't get better without acknowledging what was previously bad.
I could probably go on forever. I hope those five steps are enough to get at least a few people jump-started on the road to happy living. It's much better on the light side, I promise. We have cheesecake.
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