This One I'm Not Sure About

This post is either going to be a massive complain sesh or a profound life lesson revelation. We'll see as it unfolds. This blog is becoming a means for me to work out my feelings, so who knows what'll happen.

Allow me to preface this with a little (not actually little) description of the way I've lived life, and something I've recently discovered is different in (apparently) a sizeable population of people:

I've almost never gotten help with homework. Literally never after 3rd grade. I figured it the hell out on my own. I won science fairs by myself after that 3rd grade one in which my mother glued the fabric on the board, and stayed up all night keeping me awake. (Thank you, because I got second. Above higher grade kids. You know it.) I did the FAFSA by myself. I learned how to pay taxes and invest and start bank accounts by myself, and I can't even do a few of those things yet. I applied for college by myself. Scholarships, too. My mother proofread ONE of my high school papers, and she missed a ton of things that were found by college friends, so I've never gotten that help again, because I didn't need it. I don't expect my parents to help me after eighteen, despite the fact that loans scare the bejeezus out of me. I don't intend to come home over summer breaks. I can cook, sew, iron, do laundry, coupon, care for children, and do many MANY crafty things, most of which I learned on my own. When I'm a grown-up, I'll be a grown-up, because I've been doing reasonable chunks of it this entire time. I could plausibly move out right this second (or years ago) and while it would be really hard, I wouldn't fail. I could do it. I know things.

The thing I've recently learned is that this is not the norm. While there are people like Stephanie Barnes who've pretty much kicked life in the tookus and done everything since before graduating high school all the while looking fabulous, there are TONS of kids who get monthly checks when they're living away. Every person I talked to in my touring group at UH was having college FULLY paid for by their parents. All of them. They didn't even know how much it actually cost. They were surprised when I told them just how much in loans I would have to take out (before I even knew how much I'd REALLY have to take out) and they just chose which college to go to by what they liked. They were also surprised I couldn't afford WSU because they were under the impression that it was cheap.
It's not.

I would be at University of Chicago or Yale or something if I could just choose what I wanted in life and it would be given to me. I would have been there a year ago.

I'm at that stage in life where you start becoming infantile again to avoid the sh*tstorm that's about to happen, and in doing so, I'm being as jealous as jealous can be of all the people that get that much help with life.

The ones who get money every week. The ones whose parents do their applications for them, the ones who were handed nice cars, whose parents will continue to pay insurance on it til they're ancient, etc.

Yes that's an exaggeration. Is it completely wrong? Not even close. I literally have fewer friends who are in the same no-help boat as me than ones who are getting fully taken care of.

And I don't know yet which is more effective! Because everyone in the generations before me that I've ever talked to hasn't gotten any of this magical load of help. There is nothing for me to work off of, that I can find. I won't know how I want to deal with my kids 'til I see where we all end up in a few years. (Which I guess is convenient timing? IDK.) I'm ungrateful to want the things that my peers have because my family never had it, and simply because it's not going to happen for me, but I see them reaping the benefits every day, and it sucks sometimes.

The thing is, I'm aware that I don't want to be that kid who doesn't know how to do laundry. I know I'd rather write my own papers, because frankly, they're better. (My parents are good at like, computers and health and things. Not writing eloquent papers. Or teaching anything math. Praise be to the Lord that they didn't homeschool.) And I know for a fact I'll be fine eventually, because I'm smart and I'm going to make it better than okay, with a lofty income. The loans I have now will be chump change.

The trouble is living in fear until that point, because debt makes me anxious.

I suppose if that's all I'm afraid of, then I don't really need to be afraid - because of the previous explanation. The bachelor's degree I'm getting will land me jobs in the $50,000-$70,000 range straight out of college. With my MD I can make up to $200,000 a year. Education is absolutely a worthwhile investment.

That DOES make me feel better. :)

-Moriah