It's an optimistic title, really.
No. No it's not. Not in the world we live in where people die every second of every day, most by no fault of their own, and leave families and friends behind with fragmented memories of who they are and what happened when they were alive.
I personally am so attached to people that I cannot even tolerate the idea of there being no afterlife. If you so believe, I am genuinely impressed with your ability to keep on keeping on. I am currently bawling like a two year old who had their Cheerios stolen over The Fault in Our Stars, and I rarely cry about books. If I knew for a fact that there was no afterlife, and I could not hold on to that hope - that desperate hope fueled by my own lack of knowledge, that drives my love for science because it is NOT KNOWING and searching for answers anyway - I would be in pieces everyday. Or worse, I would be selfish and take my own life, because I just couldn't handle knowing that people I loved were gone forever. Every suicide ever committed would be selfish, and I would be one of those selfish assholes, so I could just cease to exist and not have to tolerate loss.
The only reason I'm not sad when people die is that I do think life continues after. I didn't cry because I was sad my great-grandfather was gone when he left (the only person in my family or in my life that I've admired/known well enough to REALLY care that he was gone), in the same way I don't cry when people move. I can see them again. Time moves much faster than we give it credit for. What made me cry for a few days straight was seeing his lovely wife, who I just visited earlier this month (Who kicked my tail at Yahtzee, in her late nineties. Please, God, let me grow up to be like her.), look at him during the viewing. I obviously can't know what she was thinking, and I don't have the heart to ask, but she just looked like... someone who'd been deserted. Like he'd left her alone. I cry any time anyone else mourns because it's THEIR sadness that makes me upset. Not that the person is temporarily gone. It absolutely breaks my heart to see them in that sort of pain, because I know how I would be in that state - and everyone I've watched handles it so much better than me.
So here I am, thoroughly destroying a box of Puffs, because a fictional sixteen year old girl has to speak at her first love's funeral, with no confidence in any sort of afterlife. No Something with a capital S at the very least, for those of you who've read it. It's also because the boy she's mourning was obsessed with being some sort of globally important person before leaving the globe, the same way I am sometimes. (Who am I kidding, nearly all the time. I just want to save the world. Is that too much to ask?) Which made full realization smack me in my very rosy face: if I really believe in an eternal conception of time, why am I so hurried to reach my full potential? Why do I care so much about my serious imperfection? It's not restricted to 90-some years. I have until *insert humanly inconceivable amount of time here*. There's no rush. I don't need to get so down on myself when I make mistakes, because the wisdom I gain from them are far more valuable than the time they consume. Neither time nor money are goals that can be realistically achieved in this life. They're means to the end, not ends in and of themselves. It's something that people "know" but I don't think they really KNOW. The sort of thing we say but don't truly understand or believe. (Unless there's a select elite that is living a wonderfully chill life most would envy, which I'm sure there is.)
By the way, I finished the book. It's the best kind of book, in that the characters have the same sort of realization right after I do, and everything is right in the world. The sentence is finished.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
A Thought on Socialization and Transitioning to the Real World: Women in STEM Edition
When I don't have other things to do, I think, and I read. Lately, I've been reading articles online (as always, this particular one about genetic influence on intelligence, or rather, conventional IQ intelligence), and Half the Sky, by Kristof and WuDunn. (Yes I actually read recommended reading for school. It usually ends up on my list of favorites. This one is about taking oppression of women and turning it around as a solution to the world's many, MANY issues.) This combination of reading has lead to a "wondering" or two, one might say. Some that I've had in the back of my mind for a while.
What happened to me?
What can we do for girls in the future?
What can we do for women (including myself) now?
Before someone immediately dismisses what I have to say, I'm going to offer a preface. I strongly believe that everyone has immense amounts of natural talent, just in different areas, to serve different purposes. When I talk about mine, I don't mean to come off conceited or anything like it, because I could point out yours as well. I just want to offer an example of what I see as a widespread problem. Now onto the story.
When I was little, I blew the tops off of standardized testing. That's just what I was good at. I still kind of do. There are definitely people who have trouble with tests, but it's just something I'm gifted with, if I've ever learned the material. I also learned "book smarts" very quickly. Grade level classes bored me senseless. But when I read the books off of my parents' shelves, I knew what kinds of things I liked. I liked science, I liked medicine, I liked logic puzzles. Lots of other things too, like poetry, but especially those. I pretty much knew the anatomy of the human body when I was 7. It was hard to go to school and know that my friends didn't care about those things. All they cared about in school was achievement, rather than learning. Having good grades, getting awards, etc. Don't get me wrong, I wanted that too, but I also cared about the learning aspect. It broke my heart when kids got awards for having more AR points than me by having their moms read to them when I was reading chapter books by myself. Nonfiction ones, frequently. We were just never on the same sheet of music.
The best and worst thing that ever happened, school-wise, was when I skipped a grade in science and math in middle school. The school pretty much refused to skip me initially (and it had been like that for years) because, well, WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? THAT WOULD BE HARD AND I'M A GIRL. I got into high school level math, though, and honors biology, and I was finally learning material I hadn't heard before. It was still easy, but it was at least new. Unfortunately, my entire high school career after that pretty much sucked. Long story short, lost a million credits, took a million more, and after taking and retaking courses and graduating a year later than I should've, I've realized a lot of my zest for SCHOOL learning is gone. A lot of my perceived natural intelligence is too, because I haven't had time to nurture it.
I don't regret my life, because now I know I have to rely on hard work AND talent to get things done, but there are still some problems I see with this story that can be fixed on a social level:
A. How we socialize girls in their formative years.
I was lucky enough to have a mother pursuing medicine, so there was plenty of literature and example around for me, but there are SO MANY GIRLS who lost out on the idea that they could make science or math a career choice. They played in kitchens in kindergarten stations, bought Barbie dolls, and played MASH. Little did any of us know that the future world would be a place where (in many cases) both the men and women have to work. Why should girls settle for a last ditch secretary job or a "photography business on the side" if they really wanted to create things and cure people? I am here to tell you that there was far too little exposure to hard learning as a child, and that there were far too few girls who were treated like they really could be the President or cure cancer. We were just to get good grades for the virtue of achieving in school. There was NO stress on the idea of finding out what one loves to do. There were NO avenues to even FIGURE THAT OUT. THERE WAS NO INFORMATION AVAILABLE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR MOTHER'S PHYSIOLOGY BOOKS AT HOME. Boys have the expectation from very early on that they'll have to get a full time job, but girls are seemingly in limbo until late high school. It's like creating a career path isn't even a thing until you have to pick a college major, for them. Not cool.
B. The K-12 school system, and our attitude toward what is valuable when learning and applying things.
With that, I am not okay with the system we have in public schools in the great old USA. Having kids regurgitating information and rewarding book work/memorization with points is absurd. Keeping them in a cinder block prison of fluorescent lighting, sitting on their bums, for 8 hours, is not the way to do it. I watched field trips gradually disappear from school as I grew up, and that sucks, because they're some of my fondest memories. WE AREN'T LEARNING ANYTHING USEFUL ANYMORE. I've pretty much set it in stone that my children will not be attending traditional public schools. They'll learn whatever they're interested in. I'll answer their questions. They can go to museums and take college courses in whatever they want. They won't just sit watching sitcoms, but they can read articles online like I do. They can watch PBS, go to the library, etc. They can participate in any and every "extracurricular" they want, because THAT'S valuable learning. There's no sense in shoving things down children's throats that they don't want to create into a lifelong love/career/hobby. I literally have had times where I didn't have time to learn what I wanted to learn because I was too busy repairing lost credit in things I already knew or DIDN'T want to learn. That whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. The aftertaste of public schools is like milk half an hour later.
C. How we treat women in their breakout years.
At orientation for school, there were two people sitting at the Chemistry table, including me. The other one was male. This, of course, is a product of the former two problems. We all know that women are a "minority" in STEM careers. I have brochures that say so. The question is why we're making it so hard for there NOT to be a minority, if there are so few, when women contribute so much. I feel like the biggest reason women give up on their dreams is that they believe they're to be the largest shareholder in child-stock, and when their work doesn't make concessions, they do. Family needs to be incorporated into the workplace, for men as well, but especially for women. They should be allowed to breastfeed at work, daycares should be located within a short walking distance or within the building, if women so choose to put their children in daycare. Leave! Needs to be longer! More part time work in the hard sciences should be available, and school should also be more considerate of the family woman. We're in a new era, one in which grocery stores, washers/dryers, and robot vacuums exist. There isn't any more constant work for the woman at home. Housewifery isn't really an option.
I'd expand more, and likely will, but seeing as it's after midnight, this'll have to do. I'll try to write more often, too. ;)
Toodles!
-Moriah
What happened to me?
What can we do for girls in the future?
What can we do for women (including myself) now?
Before someone immediately dismisses what I have to say, I'm going to offer a preface. I strongly believe that everyone has immense amounts of natural talent, just in different areas, to serve different purposes. When I talk about mine, I don't mean to come off conceited or anything like it, because I could point out yours as well. I just want to offer an example of what I see as a widespread problem. Now onto the story.
When I was little, I blew the tops off of standardized testing. That's just what I was good at. I still kind of do. There are definitely people who have trouble with tests, but it's just something I'm gifted with, if I've ever learned the material. I also learned "book smarts" very quickly. Grade level classes bored me senseless. But when I read the books off of my parents' shelves, I knew what kinds of things I liked. I liked science, I liked medicine, I liked logic puzzles. Lots of other things too, like poetry, but especially those. I pretty much knew the anatomy of the human body when I was 7. It was hard to go to school and know that my friends didn't care about those things. All they cared about in school was achievement, rather than learning. Having good grades, getting awards, etc. Don't get me wrong, I wanted that too, but I also cared about the learning aspect. It broke my heart when kids got awards for having more AR points than me by having their moms read to them when I was reading chapter books by myself. Nonfiction ones, frequently. We were just never on the same sheet of music.
The best and worst thing that ever happened, school-wise, was when I skipped a grade in science and math in middle school. The school pretty much refused to skip me initially (and it had been like that for years) because, well, WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? THAT WOULD BE HARD AND I'M A GIRL. I got into high school level math, though, and honors biology, and I was finally learning material I hadn't heard before. It was still easy, but it was at least new. Unfortunately, my entire high school career after that pretty much sucked. Long story short, lost a million credits, took a million more, and after taking and retaking courses and graduating a year later than I should've, I've realized a lot of my zest for SCHOOL learning is gone. A lot of my perceived natural intelligence is too, because I haven't had time to nurture it.
I don't regret my life, because now I know I have to rely on hard work AND talent to get things done, but there are still some problems I see with this story that can be fixed on a social level:
A. How we socialize girls in their formative years.
I was lucky enough to have a mother pursuing medicine, so there was plenty of literature and example around for me, but there are SO MANY GIRLS who lost out on the idea that they could make science or math a career choice. They played in kitchens in kindergarten stations, bought Barbie dolls, and played MASH. Little did any of us know that the future world would be a place where (in many cases) both the men and women have to work. Why should girls settle for a last ditch secretary job or a "photography business on the side" if they really wanted to create things and cure people? I am here to tell you that there was far too little exposure to hard learning as a child, and that there were far too few girls who were treated like they really could be the President or cure cancer. We were just to get good grades for the virtue of achieving in school. There was NO stress on the idea of finding out what one loves to do. There were NO avenues to even FIGURE THAT OUT. THERE WAS NO INFORMATION AVAILABLE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR MOTHER'S PHYSIOLOGY BOOKS AT HOME. Boys have the expectation from very early on that they'll have to get a full time job, but girls are seemingly in limbo until late high school. It's like creating a career path isn't even a thing until you have to pick a college major, for them. Not cool.
B. The K-12 school system, and our attitude toward what is valuable when learning and applying things.
With that, I am not okay with the system we have in public schools in the great old USA. Having kids regurgitating information and rewarding book work/memorization with points is absurd. Keeping them in a cinder block prison of fluorescent lighting, sitting on their bums, for 8 hours, is not the way to do it. I watched field trips gradually disappear from school as I grew up, and that sucks, because they're some of my fondest memories. WE AREN'T LEARNING ANYTHING USEFUL ANYMORE. I've pretty much set it in stone that my children will not be attending traditional public schools. They'll learn whatever they're interested in. I'll answer their questions. They can go to museums and take college courses in whatever they want. They won't just sit watching sitcoms, but they can read articles online like I do. They can watch PBS, go to the library, etc. They can participate in any and every "extracurricular" they want, because THAT'S valuable learning. There's no sense in shoving things down children's throats that they don't want to create into a lifelong love/career/hobby. I literally have had times where I didn't have time to learn what I wanted to learn because I was too busy repairing lost credit in things I already knew or DIDN'T want to learn. That whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. The aftertaste of public schools is like milk half an hour later.
C. How we treat women in their breakout years.
At orientation for school, there were two people sitting at the Chemistry table, including me. The other one was male. This, of course, is a product of the former two problems. We all know that women are a "minority" in STEM careers. I have brochures that say so. The question is why we're making it so hard for there NOT to be a minority, if there are so few, when women contribute so much. I feel like the biggest reason women give up on their dreams is that they believe they're to be the largest shareholder in child-stock, and when their work doesn't make concessions, they do. Family needs to be incorporated into the workplace, for men as well, but especially for women. They should be allowed to breastfeed at work, daycares should be located within a short walking distance or within the building, if women so choose to put their children in daycare. Leave! Needs to be longer! More part time work in the hard sciences should be available, and school should also be more considerate of the family woman. We're in a new era, one in which grocery stores, washers/dryers, and robot vacuums exist. There isn't any more constant work for the woman at home. Housewifery isn't really an option.
I'd expand more, and likely will, but seeing as it's after midnight, this'll have to do. I'll try to write more often, too. ;)
Toodles!
-Moriah
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