Beauty, Ownership of One's Body, Virtue, and the Mormon Woman

Delaney Glass offered me a really interesting piece of subject matter on Facebook today:
http://mormonwomenbare.com/

And here were my comments:
Hmm. I feel interpretation of how virtue should be valued is up to the individual, so I'm not shocked or appalled by what these women are doing like I know some people would be.

I personally am not a huge fan of it, because I don't believe that the Church places women's ultimate value on virtue, which is why this project exists. I love that women's bodies are shown as "natural and diverse", and if the goal was just to decrease body shame in people everywhere - I'd totally agree. But the assertion that Mormon women have a special layer of expectations to meet - I just don't agree with it. In fact, I believe just the opposite. The reason I love my religion so much is because, the way I see it, everyone has infinite worth and is valued regardless of their choices - this is very obvious when you see how good Mormon men treat women - like princesses, daughters of God, which is what I believe we are. (Not to mention the whole "bodies are temples" thing - they're a beautiful gift given to us that we should embrace in every form, something this project suggests the Church does the opposite of.) God is an all-loving God, and our value doesn't depreciate based on our choices. This project, while well-meaning, suggests that Mormonism as a whole believes women are less valuable depending on their choices regarding sex, that "their bodies are not entirely their own", that modesty is a means of "shaming" and the like.

I wrote a blog post about this, actually. The whole "modesty exists because of the male gaze" thing. While culturally, there are a lot of people who DO do these things, I don't think it's the fault of the religion. I'm very quick to point out the difference between Mormon culture and theology, because I acknowledge that this IS a problem in a lot of circles. I personally practice modesty because it's more comfortable, because I like the mystery of keeping things under wraps and only certain people knowing what's there, and also just because it's a part of the religion I practice - meaning I do it for God, not because I want to keep boys from looking at me. I personally practice abstinence because I've learned the hard way that it protects me - and that it's what I want in the long run. This doesn't diminish my libido, and I feel no shame about being a sexual being, because that's how I was made. But I control that out of a greater desire - rather than repressing to conform to a norm or expectation.

Another thing that's important to look at is what "virtue" is. Virtue to me (and what I've picked up from being Mormon) is purity in entirety, not just sexual purity, and it's not a concrete thing that you can have or not have. Godliness, I guess you could say.

They're all beautiful though, and it breaks my heart to think that at some point they didn't know that. And that several left the Church that has brought me so much strength and happiness because people made them think they didn't own their own bodies. That's definitely one thing that pisses me off. How many people get so battered and mistreated by other people in a church that's supposed to dust them off and protect them. However, I can't really do anything to fix it besides be a force for good. All churches are made of imperfect people, and to expect them to run them perfectly is to have way too high an expectation ever to be met.


It's something that I really care about, for sure. If I could make everyone know just how wonderful and beautiful and worth more than anything they are, I would.

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Now let me elaborate some more on my personal experience with LDS culture and how I feel about me. Preface: this is extremely personal. Read with caution.

1. Growing up, I didn't feel like a princess of infinite worth. My Young Women's leaders consistently told me I should, my other church leaders tried to instill this in me, etc. - which is why I think it's bogus that people say LDS people in general put women down (e.g. first states to give women the vote were largely LDS states, etc.). But I watched my mother intensely critique her own body (and sometimes mine), I watched my father say those same things to her, and I never really had a concrete example of this immensely loving Priesthood holder who prized the woman in his life above everything else - none of the Prophets were directly in my life. (Yeah, sorry parents if you don't want me putting these things on the internet. But I'm actually not sorry. I feel I have every right to tell my own story, and I hope I never try to take this back when I have my own children and they do the same. I know you're not perfect and I don't expect you to be (anymore). But for the record, dad, I know you rant publicly on Facebook about my mother with great bias, which is extraordinarily mature; mom - you do the same to me in person, so again. I refuse to hide anything. I love you anyway, and I think you love me even though I'm screwed up too. At least I hope so.) One of the big reasons I was agnostic for 3 years and completely didn't believe in the church is that I saw a disconnect - my dad was a Bishop, a High Priest, etc. and I knew how he acted at home, and I did NOT think that God would have let someone make those choices while still being in an office of authority. One of the great realizations I had that made me choose to be LDS, though, is that people ARE NOT PERFECT. The Church is made up of those imperfect people. Some of our trials on Earth are dealing with those imperfect people doing terrible things to us and still believing in that gospel; recognizing that there is, in fact, a disparity between the religion and the people who run it. Anyway, like I said, I was relying too much on my parents' and others' perfection to believe I was more than good enough as is. Valuable just for existing.

2. Over time, I've seen that there are men who love their wives more than anything, and show it. I've cried publicly just watching dads hold their kids and seeing the facial expression they've got, or seeing husbands hold their wives' hands and look at them like they're what's right in the universe. I've experienced real love first hand (for a little while) as well. I've recognized that bodies aren't even KIND OF perfect - as a rule. Not just mine, everyone's. While I'm not a huge fan of gaining weight and stretchmarks and tan lines and everything else LIKE EVERYONE ELSE - I've come to a point where I love my body and I love me and all the things I can do. One of the things that keeps me strong in that knowledge is that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can comprehend, even when it seems like no one else does. And that eventually I can have a husband who loves me like the ones I've seen. Which leads to why I love marriage and practice abstinence. I am SO excited to find someone who digs me just how I am and I think they're rad as is and we can be a two-person team against everything else forever. Does that not sound fantastic? To me that sounds like the ultimate achievement. Finding that person and then bringing more people into the world with that most excellent person. The reason for abstinence until joining that team is because it saves me the heartbreak of opening up fully to the wrong person, not to mention sharing a bond that no one else in the universe would have with me. This doesn't discredit or devalue others for their choices regarding sex - or my previous, DEFINITELY not perfect choices. WE ARE NOT LESS AWESOME BECAUSE WE'RE IMPERFECT (it's just easier on your heart when you make protective choices - which is what I believe the LDS church is all about). Baby, we were born this way. And someday we will be.

So with that in mind, PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE SO ABSOLUTELY, FANTASTICALLY BEAUTIFUL IT BLOWS LOGIC OUT THE WINDOW. YOU ARE AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING CAPABLE OF INFINITE PROGRESSION AND FULL OF POTENTIAL. LEARNING IS IMPORTANT, LOVING IS IMPORTANT, STICKING AROUND ON EARTH AND NOT GIVING UP BECAUSE YOU ARE SO. FUCKING. EXCELLENT. IS IMPORTANT AND THERE IS AT LEAST ONE PERSON WHO REALLY, TRULY LOVES YOU - EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. It really sucks when I see people (including myself) not living up to that. Or at least trying. If there is ANY way I can make at least one person know that, I'll have lived a damn good life.

<3 Moriah.

[Yes there were swear words in that last paragraph. Like I said, not perfect, and they're spicy and shock-value filled enough to try to get my point across.]

Journal Entries Now Too? For Real?

I obviously haven't posted anything in around two months, mostly because I'm busy, but partially because I just haven't been getting all my writing together. So I'll put up some thoughts/experiences that I have in Word documents, but not on the internet.

10/31/13
In honors chemistry today (note that these are honors students in a science class), someone was wearing a paper taped on his shirt that said “Affordable Care Act” – touting it (being a Democrat) as the scariest costume he could think of. Some other kid says, “Is the Affordable Care Act Republican and Obamacare is… Democrat?” Kid in the costume cannot answer this question, and instead starts with, “The Affordable Care Act is a leftist thinking, bordering on socialism, that’s going to destroy this country…” Another girl goes, “I hate you; you’re destroying my future job in the medical field.” Of course, none of them could explain any of their reasoning. I answered the girl’s question that the ACA and Obamacare are the same thing, repressed a very tempting eye roll, and sat down, while everyone had a party/healthcare reform bashing party.

Welcome to Idaho, Moriah.

What really bothers me is that I take the time to LEARN about the world, and about things that are important, and I'm still doing terribly grades-wise. I read non-fiction for fun, guys. But the collegiate system - at least at Boise State - is centered around info regurgitation and busy work - everything I hated about the shallowness of high school. I had such high expectations for higher education (I wonder why) and they've been torn down to say the least. The only classes I have now that I like are Music 100 and Forensics, and I LOVE science and math. So that says something. Why can't there be a place where we THINK about things, and their significance to the world and our own lives? Why is chemistry, a subject that I love, so monotonous and bland instead of really getting into what's so cool about it all? 15 hours of math problems a week = just training us to be robots, rather than conceptual and critical thinkers, and this conversation above shows some of that lack of critical thinking/info gathering. 18-20-SOMETHINGS! STOP ACCEPTING EVERYTHING FOX NEWS/INSERT OTHER BIASED NEWS SOURCE HERE SAYS AT FACE VALUE! GO LEARN ABOUT CITY COUNCIL CANDIDATES AND VOTE INFORMED BECAUSE LOCAL POLITICS ARE WHAT MATTER DAMMIT! LEARN FOR THE SAKE OF LEARNING INSTEAD OF FOR THE SAKE OF A SET GPA!

I'm very ready to just scrape by in college and do all of my learning outside of school if this is all it is.

11/01/13

In honors seminar today we watched a video called My Last Days about a kid with cancer who lived his life to the fullest before he went (that’s a really rudimentary summary, but you know, whatever). I was told to write a reflection of what I would do given a limited amount of time to live, so here it is:

I would drop everything and find some way to do nothing but travel and volunteer and be with people. I could join the Peace Corps, or WWOOF, or go on a mission, or train to be a medic and go help people who don’t have access to healthcare. I’d want to learn about other cultures and how to survive in less than industrial ideal conditions, because surviving something as hard as finding water and shelter would make me feel stronger and more connected to others who have to live that every day. I’d help my little siblings with homework, and babysit for free for people who desperately need a date night, and keep people who were also terminal company.

The thing that’s important in thinking about this is that it’s how I should be living every day. Life is so short and so finite; I could be gone at any time.  I don’t want that time to be wasted with Facebook and such when I could be impacting other people’s lives far more than I am at the moment. Happiness comes from selflessness. I control my response to hard times, my attitude, and ultimately my happiness.