A View Into the Usually-Reserved Section of My Mental Library

Don't worry, a delightful squib named Filch isn't going to come grimace at you. Although, you might feel alarmed that someone who locks a few specific things up as much as I do is posting my feelers in a public venue. (Normally it's just rage at things outside of my control.) I think it's because I'm sitting alone behind a computer, so the full gravity of what I'm doing is SO NOT being felt. And I don't really have any friends locally, so I haven't hugged anyone or been hugged in a month. And if you know me, you know that that is really not good for my emotional health.

Here goes nothing, one topic at a time:

1. My fish is dying. And this really, truly makes me sad. He was $3.99 plus tax, and I've only known him for two days, but it makes me want to cry that he won't move, or eat anything. He's deathly afraid of humans. Truthfully I'd like to stomp on the toes of every large chain pet store worker, because CLEARLY they don't care anything about the lives they hold in their hands. Animals aren't people, but they sure as hell deserve to be treated well if we're going to do them the injustice of domesticating them.

2. (You can skip this part if you want. You can skip any part, because it probably will make you feel uncomfortable. At least, I'm uncomfortable, so I assume you are. Seriously. Don't depress yourself if you don't want to.) I'm horrible at being Mormon. Heck, I'm horrible at being a God-respecting religious person. I love swearing, and coffee, and short-ish skirts, and various forms of sexual activity. It's probably good that no one wants to date me, because I'd be headed down a very scary path right now. I wanted multiple piercings and tattoos for a while.

I start bawling, against my will, either visibly or mentally, at nearly every church meeting, because I KNOW everything I need to be doing, and I know how good it feels when I'm on track, but it is SO HARD. I'm crying over a YouTube video right now, like seriously. The three years I spent telling myself I didn't believe in God were the worst years of my life, even though circumstantially I had it way harder after that. It kills me a little bit inside to see people who are just GOOD at being religious. They freaking glow, all the time. I wish I could do that. I wish I had people here my age who would be there when I want to do something stupid, like I had in other places, and tell me it's not worth it. (Paisley, I miss you.)

3. I'm an ambivert, so this TOTAL being by myself thing isn't working so well. My introverted side was very happy being by myself for a while, but I miss having friends around. As such, I'm very excited to figure out where I'm going to college so I can just settle into that routine. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm glad I moved, overall. I needed my life a little less stressful. And I'd be much more satisfied being alone if I could get my dang life in order (see point 2).

4. I have no idea what I'm doing with the next 3-4 years of my life. The schools I want to go to are financially or physically out of reach. I can't visit PSU or UH Manoa to see if they're worth the money, because I have no money. I can't go to UW, because it'd be $40,000 a year, despite the fact that I'd be an honors engineering student at one of the best schools in the country. My top choice, BYUH, was the only one out of 8 schools I applied to that rejected me. None of the honors colleges rejected me, even, and I have huge scholarships to almost all of them. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??

I'm thinking about working on an organic farm for a year in HI, and figuring out what I'm doing from there, because I haven't gotten "the feeling" yet. I've visited schools, and none of them have been right for me, like everyone else seems to be finding. It has made it very clear to me, though, that I'm going to work my butt off to go to the med school I want to go to, regardless of cost, and that I'm going to use my huge psychiatrist paycheck to save for my kids' college educations. Helping them after they've done their best isn't enabling them, it's keeping from disabling them with several thousand in student loans when they're just starting off.

Speaking of which, I also want to step on the toes of whoever sets tuition rates at colleges nowadays. Why is education a commodity to be bought and sold, rather than a gift given by society to renew itself? THE KIDS GOING TO COLLEGE NOW ARE GOING TO RULE AMERICA IN A DECADE OR TWO. They will be in charge of social security, taxes, welfare, every other aspect of our societal framework. We can't have highly intelligent kids crippled by debt just because they aren't a member of the economic elite. GET A CLUE, USA. So much for the American dream.

5. I'm done venting to you now, internet folks. I hope that made you feel better about yourself. It always makes me feel better about myself when I see other people also feeling crummy. That's probably a terrible thing, but hey, I too am a victim of the state of nature. Because I am a lady of action, I (from this moment) am now going to think of things to be grateful for, and ways to fix these problems. Also, if you read all that, congratulations. You are a truly gracious and selfless person. Now go hug somebody, and have an awesome life, and tell me all your problems when you need to.

Coming Soon: Gratitude with a Can-Do Attitude

Love,
Moriah

I'm Moriah, and I Do What I Want

Yes, you read correctly. I do whatever I want. That sounds so rebellious, doesn't it?
Wrong.
Actually, doing whatever I want has made me pretty free. I don't feel obligated to be anyone that I'm not. But I'm not a bad kid. Let me give you examples, I'll tell you straight up. But first, some of the inspiration for this post:

One Million Moms
Parents who are concerned about their kids wearing thongs (See articles all over the interwebs about misinformed parents thinking PINK is targeted at 12 year olds and not the college students it's actually targeted at.) or refuse to let them date certain people or berate them for their hair color choice or really anything else that's part of adolescence and not truly harmful
People who force their beliefs on others
Etc.

Now on to the examples:

-I wear the clothes I want, and sometimes they're pretty weird, but never immodest. I respect my body, so what I want is to clothe it in things I like that aren't hypersexual. But guess what? I'm not going to judge you on your clothing choice.
-I wear lacy thong underwear, even on my period, like now. I don't think that's hypersexual because no one can see it but me. They're comfortable. There are no panty lines. So really, they're more modest than people whose underwear you can see, I think. I'm glad my parents don't govern the clothes I wear or the panties I choose because it means I learned to make the choices on my own and don't resent them as much as some other kids.
-I just told you I'm on my period. It's getting crazy in here.
-Along that line, I've never had sex. Do I want to? Not yet. I'm waiting til I get married. If I wanted to, I would. But I don't, because I'm religious by choice.
-Oh look, I'm religious. In a culture where "doing what you want" has the context of being some crazy carnal drunken sex machine, I go to church. Because I want to.
-I'm not getting married yet, because I don't want to. It doesn't feel right for me to marry as young as other girls. It may be right for them, and I'm happy for them, but it's so not for me.
-I'm also not having kids til after I finish med school. That means in Mormonia, I'll be an old maid in my upper twenties. But I don't care.
-I'm going to be a psychiatrist. A woman with an MD? SUPER crazy. I also have several ideas for when I have enough money to develop and innovate technology that helps the world we live in.
-I cut my hair to an inch short because I felt like it. I wasn't afraid of losing my femininity, or of what others would think. I like it, I never have to pull it out of my face.
-I eat the food that I want. In moderation, of course, but I'm not going to relegate my life to cottage cheese so that I'm slave to a scale.
-I exercise because I like it. I was on swim team for 6 years, now I walk 3+ miles at least 3-4 times a week and do yoga.
-I don't drink or do drugs because I don't want to. It just grosses me out, man.
-I'm going to the library (my homeland) in a few minutes. On purpose. For leisure.

See how doing what I want means there are few stereotypes I fit in? I'm not a stereotypical Mormon. I'm not a stereotypical woman. I'm not a stereotypical teenager. In fact, I don't know of very many people who share the same perspective on the world as I do. Pretty much any of them. But because I don't subjugate myself and my actions to anyone else, I am happy. I do what I'm supposed to religiously because I WANT TO. Not because I've been told to. My ambition stems from being who I want to be, and that's much stronger than being who anyone else wants me to be.

Which definitely clarifies how I intend to parent. When my family was very tight on the reins, I hated all of their guidance, and instead did stupid things to alienate myself from that. When they became pretty permissive, and let the world teach me, I started doing the right thing because I wanted to. I firmly believe that you teach your children correct principles, set out a reasonable amount of rules with clear consequences, and then let them free to learn. (And let them be free to come back, and make it very clear that you love them no matter what.) You don't have to worry about what society tells your kids if you raise them to not listen to it and make their own choices! Stop focusing on what big bad companies are doing and instead focus on your kids; bad corporate people are NEVER going away. We live in a world that is continually getting more "morally unsound". Protesting it doesn't fix it. Families teaching their children well fixes it. But that's just my opinion. And, you know, the opinion of a lot of religious and secular leaders.

The beauty of it is that none of you have to do that. You don't have to agree with me. You don't even have to read this. You can also do whatever you want. You can get high off your... butts... (I'm trying to kick swearing. I read an article stating that the pain reduction and shock value benefits decrease if you overuse it. And it just makes some people uncomfortable; I'll try not to assault your ears/eyes.) on LSD if  you so choose. I personally don't think that's what makes for real happiness, but if that's what you want, that's your deal. Choosing for yourself is something that you can use to enhance your life or to make it a personal hell, whatever that is for you.

This blog is turning into some kind of personal empowerment thing. My motto is turning into "love, don't judge". I'll also probably get a coexist bumper sticker on the back of my little station wagon. "What a liberal," my parents will say. "How did we conceive her?" And I am/will do it because I want to.

PEACE
-Moriah

What Irks Me Today: Slut Shaming

For those of you who are unaware of the term, slut shaming is ridiculing or attacking women for their sexual activity, present or not. It does not imply they are actual sluts, which truthfully don't exist unless one lays that name upon themself. Now, why would Moriah choose this topic (of ALL the topics in the world) to write about today? Because people on the internet can be really stupid. Shocker, I know.

I see meme and picture and post in abundance about how "geeky girls" aren't really nerdy, they're just looking for attention, how scantily clad girls must have 50 kinds of STDs, how certain beautiful girls are too pretty to be virgins, and numerous other kinds of SHAMEFUL behavior.

For instance, over 5,000 people liked a photo (in the past few minutes) that said "New Rule: If your glasses don't have lenses, we get to gouge your eyes out." In hundreds of comments, there were only two positive ones, and the most liked one said "Oh, look. A slut found glasses." The girl in the picture was fully clothed, in nothing elaborate, with no makeup on. Is it really getting that bad, guys? Bad enough that even the "nerds", the people who have been stepped on in pop culture and considered by many the bottom of the social food chain are thinking they're above people who aren't truly nerdy enough? (I'm not bashing nerdy people, by the way. Simply pointing out that a previously catch-all group of misfits, including myself, has turned into some kind of stupid exclusive club.)

Here's an idea: You can't tell whether someone's had sex by how they look.
And another: It's not more likely because that person is female, or gorgeous, or dresses/acts a certain way.
And another: Even if they have, even more than once, IT'S NOT YOUR D*MN BUSINESS. And you have no right to judge them.

It's been hard for me personally to stop judging people by how "slutty" they seemingly are. I'm not going to lie, it's difficult. Even thinking less of people for pretty much anything they do is undue judging. Being frustrated with their life choices is cool. But thinking you're better than them is completely not okay. They get enough from everyone else, and it's impossible for people to fully change if your view of them can't change as well.

With that, this whole quick-to-judge thing needs to stop everywhere. In every situation. Gender, sexual orientation, political party, clothing style, body fat percentage. There is WAY too much negativity in this world, and news flash: IT DOESN'T MAKE ANYONE BETTER TO POINT OUT THEIR "FLAWS". It just makes them self conscious, and worse off than before. Lay off, guys. For real.

-Moriah

A How-To Lesson On Happiness

(It's been a month. Whoops! I have a bunch of drafts, but here: something finished.)

I've come to the strangest realization today: I am happy. And sometimes I completely take it for granted that I am.

See, I've learned that people always have one dominating feeling, and environmental circumstances modify it this way or that throughout the day. Some people are always afraid and insecure. Some people are always hurt and angry. Some people are always happy. Does that mean they can't be the opposite emotion for a period of time? Heck no. But it does occupy the majority of their life.

I had a period of sad for about a year or so. Most people would call it clinical depression. In that time, I gained twenty pounds, cried for no reason, did stupid, illegal things, couldn't bring myself to do my homework or even things I loved - you've seen it all. I had happy days, when I was at the beach with friends or something like that, but it didn't erase the prevailing empty feeling. I didn't feel loved, or worth anything to the world, or beautiful, or intelligent - I didn't feel anything good.

That's why the idea that I am a happy person in a very cruel and unhappy world is fascinating to me. The idea that I'm still happy when horrible things get thrown my way and when life gets even harder is even more of an enigma. There are so few people that would describe themselves as happy, it hurts me to watch. I want to shake them, and yell (or sing or something, so it's not QUITE so aggressive) in their faces that they're astonishingly gorgeous beings that deserve everything good that the world can give them. That they have no reason to be sad or angry even when terrible things happen to them because they are SO MUCH MORE AWESOME than the things that are happening to them.

I think it's clear that the one big feeling CAN be changed, but it's very difficult. I don't even fully know how I did it. The only connection I can make is that I threw myself wholeheartedly into my religion of choice, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You obviously don't need to be Mormon to be happy; there are plenty of people who do without and are genuinely happy, but I can tell you what you do need, and all of those things were (luckily) incorporated into said religion. End religious preach, begin life preach:

1. You have to love and serve other people more than yourself. Whoever started the stupid idea that you have to love yourself first to love others did no one any favors. In fact, the more you realize your own capacity to love, the more you begin seeing all the good in others, and how big THEIR capacity to love is, and then - you realize you're good and loved too. You don't need to have a fantastic family life, you don't need a significant other. YOU DON'T NEED OTHERS TO LOVE YOU TO FEEL LOVED. And it goes vice versa. I can tell you, looking back, that so many people have loved me so much, and told me. Made it VERY obvious. But because I was so sucked up in myself, I couldn't see that. I couldn't hear them tell me every day. Only after getting over myself and seeing how awesome everyone else is did I realize just how awesome I am.

2. After you realize the awesome that is you, you stop caring about the negative influences of the media and society in general. You say "screw you" to airbrushed magazine photos, to social idealizations, to everything else that would try to make you feel less than you are. You stop trying to be "cool" and instead be you, which is automatically cool. And it's only uphill from there. Once you can walk out the door and know that you don't need any of those things, your self esteem goes up, so you start taking care of yourself, so your healthy, happy, self looks even more radiant than it was before. And people notice, so you gain real friends who are happy to be around someone as happy as you, instead of people sucking the life out of you with the only payback being "popularity". It's a wonderfully vicious cycle.

3. You then do things that you love. You get hobbies, find an enjoyable form of exercise, join clubs. Those who are busy and happy are very rarely lonely. I've been single for over a year and a half now. Haven't even had a real date. Do I care? Not a bit. Those poor suckers are missing out on all the fun things I'm doing. I just moved 3000+ miles across the country, with no friends here, and I'm still happy. I can go to Books-A-Million for three hours just browsing. SMELLS SO GOOD

4. You throw in the occasional crazy stunt. Not illegal, but internally frightening, like chopping off all your hair, cliff diving, taking a gender studies class as a heterosexual man, walking up to random people and just talking. You don't need to do idiotic things to get an adrenaline rush when you can get it from proactive things. And that, my friend, is how you move on to the next thing:

5. You gradually get rid of bad habits. Note: GRADUALLY. And replace them with good things mentioned above. If you get rid of something, there's a hole there that needs to be filled. So do something productive instead of destructive every time you feel the urge to do the latter, and it'll go away. You can't just stop cold turkey and then beat yourself up every time you relapse. You have to be able to accept that you are imperfect, and that's not magically going to change. As such, you have to learn to FORGIVE YOURSELF. You are worth forgiving. And you can't get better without acknowledging what was previously bad.

I could probably go on forever. I hope those five steps are enough to get at least a few people jump-started on the road to happy living. It's much better on the light side, I promise. We have cheesecake.

What Irks Me Today: Bullsh** Partisan Hatred

Well, sorry it's been eleven days. In the past few days alone I've spent two full days at BSU competing in a debate tournament (Superior in Lincoln Douglas woop woop!) and all of today lobbying healthcare legislation in the capitol (learned Senator Hagedorn lives just down the road from me). But today has brought up something that has always pissed me off: hatred of political beliefs other than one's own.

I'm going to lay it all out. I am SUCH a Libertarian. I would consider myself liberal (You know, classical liberalism, that protection of liberty and support of the free market and individual rights thing that America was founded on? Sorry friends, liberal DOES NOT=Democrat.) and even radical sometimes. But you know what? I have approximately a bazillion Republican friends, just as many Democrats, even some Socialists and Anarcho-communists. And I respect the vast majority of those beliefs. You know why? Because they have reasons for what they believe, examples, the like. I don't agree with a lot of things they say. Heck, I don't agree with some portions of America's Libertarian party platform. But if you can reasonably tell me why you believe what you do, I will have profound respect for you.

What I DON'T have respect for is people telling me that my beliefs (or those of other people) are wrong with ZERO support. I will NOT stop hanging out with my Democrat friends just because you believe "they're wrecking our country" or "are wiping their butt with the Constitution". I love them. And I don't care. You making inflammatory statements and getting all frustrated when I ask you for some evidential support of your beliefs does absolutely nothing but make me think that your brain has been fully formed by the influence of others. Which is pathetic, in case you were wondering.

I love hating on the current President just as much as the next guy. Actually I don't, because that's a really hard job. But may I point out:
FDR was a Democrat. And he saved our sorry asses after the war. Federal reserve? Complete social reform? Yeah, that was him. Think about that when you're saying all Democrats (Not liberals.) are something bad.
Nixon was a Republican. See above.
Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. He stopped that thing called, you know, slavery. The Civil War. Think about that when you're saying all Republicans (Not conservatives, because while, for instance, Romney is a Republican, he's a pretty dang liberal Republican. There's also Log Cabin Republicans, who are pro LGBT rights, and there are some Republicans who are pro-choice. Lay off.) are something bad.
Clinton was a Democrat. See above.

Now that I've adequately shown you that party has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH PERSONAL CHARACTER, I'd like you to consider NOT bashing other people's beliefs. I'll be as liberal, or as conservative, as I want. And you can't change that. Another thing to consider - don't talk politics with family, especially when they fall under the category above. (There are a select few exceptions. My uncle Lisle is the most well-versed Republicans I know. And again, that's worthy of respect.) It just makes them think you're some tree-hugger beatnik Robin Hood of social welfare (or a gun-loving, NASCAR attending, well, you know) regardless of how moderate you are, and makes you lose respect for their level of intelligence. Neither of those are good paths to take.

While we're at it, same principle goes for other religions, other modes of study, other choices of dress, culture, the like. DIVERSITY MAKES THE FREAKING WORLD GO ROUND. So appreciate it instead of knocking it. I'll be moving back to some inner city or foreign country happily in a few months, because I actually very much enjoy experiencing other cultures. If that's not your thing, stay in the very white West. But you have zero right to say anything negative about a people, religion, or culture that you don't know about. So next time you think they're weird, ask them what they ACTUALLY believe or do, then realize that they have huge misconceptions about you too, and as a result, bond over mutual strangeness.

I feel much better getting that off my chest. Goodnight.
<3 Moriah

Men ARE Better Than Women. Sometimes.

Apparently my previous post on Facebook about “The Friend Zone” could be misconstrued as man-bashing. Allow me to clarify. I was bashing on a particularly bad trait that many men seem to have. I love guys. Here’s a small sampling of why (and what they’re better than women at):

1. They have pro-status linear thinking. Women can’t even compare. Focus on one thing - think - act. This makes them fabulous leaders in many places, and good at running things. They make the most rational decision and just do it. What women bring to the table to complement this is their web-like thinking. They think of the offshoots that can occur from what the men compute as most rational, and take people’s feelings into account. Does this work in all situations? Heck no. This is why we need men. Yin and yang example #1.

2. They have libidos the size of Mount Everest. I firmly believe the human race would not exist without men for more than just offering half of the chromosomes of the children. First, all the personality traits they bring to the table. Second, (And I don’t speak from personal experience. Whoops! Another revealing statement. Yes, I am open enough to tell the entire internet that there is sexual tension residing in my body as an adolescent human.) apparently many women don’t want sex. Marriage and steady relationships come and it leaves, or so I’m told via statistics and horror stories. Thank you, men, for keeping us around and putting that delicious testosterone in our bodies.

3. They have 2/3 more muscle mass than women. Naturally. No, I can’t open that jar of raspberry preserves, or lift that couch, but I know most males can! Can women build it? Yes, to an extent. But it just naturally occurs in guys and it is VERY beneficial. And we’re thankful for it, believe me. ;D

4. They have natural instincts to provide and protect beyond that of what women have. Most of our troops are men. Why? Because men are willing to put their lives on the line to save others they don’t even know, to fight for an ideal they believe in. There are MANY women who wouldn’t even think about that unless it had to do with someone immediate to them. Women focus on family and friends, nurturing and teaching them, and what affects them; men focus on making sure their family has the resources and safety to function, and what society needs. Yin and yang example #2.

5. They’re risk takers. That linear thinking results in limited inhibitions when reaching a goal. While this can have SERIOUS consequences and often SERIOUSLY worries the ladies, it’s helpful in these ways:
-It’s what causes the discovery of “new” land. HAPPY LEIF ERICKSSON DAY!
-It’s what causes the discovery of “new” anything. NARWHALS!
-It results in potentially successful business plans that most rationally thinking women wouldn’t stick a foot in. APPLE! WINDOWS! LOTS OF OTHERS!
-This results in innovation. APPLE! WINDOWS! LOTS OF OTHERS!
AAAANNND yin and yang example #3 is that women keep those crazy risk takers grounded. We remind them that they’re insane, so they don’t do anything TOO insane. Like jumping off a cliff with nothing to save ‘em but duct tape. Hooligans.
I could go on, but that’s a lot of typing replacing typing my homework. So, as you can see, men are awesome. They do cool stuff women can’t. But women are also awesome, and do cool stuff men can’t. Reconciliation of the battle of the sexes: commence.

PEACE!
Moriah <3

The First Time is Always the... Most Awkward?

Hey! I did it. I made a blog. I was considering naming it something catchy like "So, How About That Airplane Food?" or "Dude, This Blog is Totally Deep and Written By a Teenager, Yo", but those things tend to bite me in the arse later. I look back and think, "Was I even thinking at all when I wrote that?", so it's probably best to keep it simple.

And so it begins. The rants of mine that people CHOOSE to read about. I get chills just thinking about the idea. Let me just tell you now, that for even skimming this, I love you. I loved you already, but now even more, because I know you care. :3

The topic selection: anything and everything. Individual perception based on personal experience is one of our greatest gifts as humans, and I intend to express it to the fullest. Topic one: WHY CAN'T I INDENT THESE PARAGRAPHS? If anyone knows how, please tell me. I feel like a grandmother learning how to use an iPhone. (No offense to grandmothers. They are the greatest of people. And I can't even work an iPhone successfully.)

The posting rate: who knows for right now. I'll keep you groovy dawgs on your toes. But check in whenever you feel like it, I'll write when I feel like it, and we'll both engage in a symbiotic kumbaya of interpersonal communication. Spontaneously.

And as brief as this is, now that I've successfully thrown an hour down the toilet known as the internet, I shall bid you a fond goodnight. Goodnight. :)

Love, 
Moriah <3